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Writing Samples
Band 6.5

There are those who consider work to be the paramount aspect of life, suggesting that without career success, life loses its meaning. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

#work #aspect #life #career #success
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Some
people
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 consider
work
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 as the paramount
aspect
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 of
life
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,
such
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 as without career success,
life
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 will lose its meaning. I completely believe that if
people
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 consider
work
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 as the paramount
aspect
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 of
life
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, they will sacrifice their happiness, and
this
Linking Words
aspect
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 will hinder their
health
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. If
people
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 consider
work
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 as the paramount
aspect
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 of
life
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, they will sacrifice their own happiness. They will not concentrate on prioritizing their happiness rather they will try to make others happy in their workplace. To do that, they will desperately want to complete their tasks on time
,
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apply
show examples
 and give full concentration to their job responsibilities to reach their goals.
For example
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, many
employees
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 working in multinational companies in Bangladesh, sacrifice their yearly vacations to get promotions in their workplace, and they ignore the necessity of enjoying their lives.
Moreover
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, considering
work
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 as the paramount
aspect
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 of
life
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 hinders the
health
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 of the
employees
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.
Employees
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work
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 overtime and take responsibilities outside their
work
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. They suffer from burnout, tiredness, and lack of sleep.
As a result
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, they feel exhausted and do not manage time to take care of their minds and bodies and it hinders their
overall
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health
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.
For example
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, many young
people
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 in India,
work
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 extra hours to convince their boss to get a promotion. They cannot get enough sleep because of working overtime, and it continuously damages their brains. In conclusion, I personally agree that considering career success as the paramount
aspect
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 of
life
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 is harmful because it hinders the
health
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 of the
employees
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.
Moreover
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,
employees
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 forget to enjoy their lives.
Submitted by rahman_rehana on

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task achievement
To enhance the task achievement, ensure that your argument is well-rounded by acknowledging the potential positive aspects of considering work as paramount. This will make your essay appear balanced and thoughtful.
coherence cohesion
Improve the coherence by making connections between the paragraphs more explicit. Use linking words and phrases to guide the reader through your line of reasoning.
coherence cohesion
The essay contains a clear introduction and conclusion, which effectively frame the discussion.
task achievement
Appropriate examples are provided to support the main points, making the essay more compelling and realistic.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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