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Writing Samples
Band 7.5

A lot of places in the world rely on tourism as a main source of income. Unfortunately, tourism can also be a spurce of problems if it is not well-managed. what are the advantages and disadvantaged of tourism in the modern world?

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These days, a
number
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 of global areas' economies are based on tourist industries;
however
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,
this
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 element has several damaging effects when governments do not have control over it.
While
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 tourism has several drawbacks, I still believe that they cannot overshadow its merits. On the
one
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hand
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, the benefits of tourism are so varied.
Firstly
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, when foreign passengers go to different places, they create a
lot
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 of job opportunities for natives.
In other words
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, international travellers need accommodations, restaurants for eating food, tour guides for visiting either nature or historical places, and so on;
as a result
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, the inhabitants can work in these sectors.
Secondly
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, when tourism in
one
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 country is very well-developed,
then
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 a majority of not only passengers but
also
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 businessmen spend a great deal of money in
this
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 region; in fact, they create a chance to grow the economy.
On the other
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hand
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, the tourist industry has several demerits. On the
one
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hand
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, when the
number
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 of people who like to travel to
one
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 region climbs, the environment of
this
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 district will be destroyed.
For example
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, the
number
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 of tourists who visit Thailand is too high;
then
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 the citizens build a
lot
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 of hotels, food places, and so forth;
consequently
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, their natural environment is damaged to accommodate all passengers.
On the other
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hand
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, the people who live in
one
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 area generate a
lot
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 of trash;
thereafter
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, if the
number
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 of tourists travelling to
one
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 country rises, they generate a
lot
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 of garbage, which requires a great deal of money and time for recycling. in conclusion, it is crucial that authorities in areas with a
lot
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 of tourists can well-manage them to mitigate the negative aspects, owing to the fact that the positive aspects which help the economy and people's careers can eclipse the disadvantages.

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task achievement
Consider providing more specific examples or statistics to support your arguments, especially when discussing the economic benefits or environmental impacts of tourism.
general
Make sure to consistently check for small grammatical errors or typographical mistakes to increase clarity and professionalism.
coherence cohesion
The essay provides a clear introduction and conclusion, which effectively state your stance on the topic and summarize your main points.
coherence cohesion
The logical structure within the paragraphs provides a good flow of ideas, making your arguments easy to follow.
task achievement
The essay discusses both sides of the argument, noting both advantages and disadvantages of tourism, which aligns well with the prompt.

Answer the 'Problem and Solution' topic

Problem-and-solution essays fall naturally into two parts, the first describing and exploring the problem, the second setting out the solution or solutions.

You essay structure should look something like this:

  • Introduction
  • Body paragraph 1 – Problems
  • Body paragraph 2 – Solutions
  • Conclusion

Examples to start your body paragraph:

  • One of the first problems of the...
  • Another problem that needs to be considered...
  • A possible solution to this problem would be...
  • One immediate practical solution is to...

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