Fewer people are reading books these days, therefore we should close all libraries and use of the funds for something more urgent like healthcare . Do you agree or disagree?
In recent years , fewer
people
are reading books
compared to previous times. So governments suggest close
the all Change the word
closing
libriaries
and Correct your spelling
libraries
establish
new Wrong verb form
establishing
hospitalw
which have more Correct your spelling
hospitals
hospital
advantegous
Correct your spelling
advantageous
advantages
to
Change preposition
for
humqn's
life. Change noun form
humqn
While
,
many individuals are considering demolishing Remove the comma
apply
libraries
to build hospitals , elderly people
still value libraries
as spaces of freedom for reading. I partly agree with this
proposal , and i
will justify my point of view in the following paragraphs with relevant examples.
On the one hand, Change the capitalization
I
people
are incresaingly
use the Correct your spelling
increasingly
technologies
rather than reading Fix the agreement mistake
technology
books
. Fistly
, many parents struggle to control screen time Correct your spelling
First
to
their children. Change preposition
for
As a result
, children often lack of
the motivation to read . Remove the preposition
apply
However
, in suburb places my inhabitants still operate libraries
for reading especially elderly people
and poor residents since they can afford to use gadgets , as well as
not only older people
but also
libraries
students can exchange their perspectives with someone who have
more ideas and Change the verb form
has
also
they can find self -confidence between peers . Rephrase
apply
Additionally
, european
authorities are developing innovative Change the capitalization
European
libraries
equipped with modern devices , allowing students to find information efficiently.
On the other hand
, some individuals argue that funding should go toward heathcare
rather than maintaining Correct your spelling
healthcare
libraries
. Health is very
Rephrase
more
crusial
than Correct your spelling
crucial
books
and people
cqn
now read Correct your spelling
can
books
on digital platforms. Consequently
, libraries
may be less need
and Replace the word
needed
thr
funds could support Correct your spelling
the
to
hospitals and nursing homes where Change preposition
apply
peopel
can enjoy a better Correct your spelling
people
tranquality
of life. As an Correct your spelling
quality
illustation
, in Texas , over 800 Correct your spelling
illustration
books
were banned across 22 school district
, showing a shift away from traditional Fix the agreement mistake
districts
libraries
.
To conclude
, although
libraries
provvide
unique benefits, especially for Correct your spelling
provide
young
generation and Add an article
the young
ekderly
Correct your spelling
elderly
people
, healthcare remains a top priority. Therefore
, while
libraries
should not be overlooked , investing healthcare system would help to
Change preposition
apply
people
's well -being
.Correct your spelling
well-being
Submitted by Writing9 on
Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.
Grammar
Work on improving grammatical accuracy to enhance clarity. There are multiple minor grammatical errors, such as incorrect verb forms and misuse of articles and prepositions. Paying attention to subject-verb agreement and consistent use of tense will make the writing clearer.
Vocabulary
Enhance lexical resource by incorporating a variety of vocabulary. The repetitive use of certain words can be addressed by learning synonyms and related terms to make the writing more engaging.
Coherence
Structure your paragraphs more clearly. While your essay follows a logical structure, ensure each paragraph focuses on a single idea or a related set of ideas and transitions naturally to the next. Adding topic sentences can be beneficial.
Task Achievement
Include more detailed examples to support your points. While there were a couple of examples mentioned, they could be more specific and detailed to better illustrate your arguments.
Introduction & Conclusion
The essay provides a solid introduction and conclusion, effectively setting up the debate and summarizing the points discussed.
Balanced Argument
There are attempts to develop balanced views by presenting both sides of the argument, which shows the writer's awareness of the complexity of the topic.
Use of Examples
Efforts to incorporate examples, such as the Texas book ban, to support the discussion, despite them needing more detail.
Fully explain your ideas
To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).
For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:
- Paragraph 1 - Introduction
- Sentence 1 - Background statement
- Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
- Sentence 3 - Thesis
- Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
- Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
- Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
- Sentence 2 - Example
- Sentence 3 - Discussion
- Sentence 4 - Conclusion
- Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
- Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
- Sentence 2 - Example
- Sentence 3 - Discussion
- Sentence 4 - Conclusion
- Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
- Sentence 1 - Summary
- Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
- Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation
Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.