Fewer people are reading books these days, therefore we should close all libraries and use of the funds for something more urgent like healthcare . Do you agree or disagree?

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In recent years , fewer
people
Use synonyms
are reading
books
Use synonyms
compared to previous times. So governments suggest
close
Change the word
closing
show examples
the all
libriaries
Correct your spelling
libraries
and
establish
Wrong verb form
establishing
show examples
new
hospitalw
Correct your spelling
hospitals
hospital
which have more
advantegous
Correct your spelling
advantageous
advantages
to
Change preposition
for
show examples
humqn's
Change noun form
humqn
show examples
life.
While
Linking Words
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
many individuals are considering demolishing
libraries
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to build hospitals , elderly
people
Use synonyms
still value
libraries
Use synonyms
as spaces of freedom for reading. I partly agree with
this
Linking Words
proposal , and
i
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I
show examples
will justify my point of view in the following paragraphs with relevant examples. On the one hand,
people
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are
incresaingly
Correct your spelling
increasingly
use the
technologies
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technology
show examples
rather than reading
books
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.
Fistly
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First
, many parents struggle to control screen time
to
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for
show examples
their children.
As a result
Linking Words
, children often lack
of
Remove the preposition
apply
show examples
the motivation to read .
However
Linking Words
, in suburb places my inhabitants still operate
libraries
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for reading especially elderly
people
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and poor residents since they can afford to use gadgets ,
as well as
Linking Words
not only older
people
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but
also
Linking Words
libraries
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students can exchange their perspectives with someone who
have
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has
show examples
more ideas and
Linking Words
also
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apply
show examples
they can find self -confidence between peers .
Additionally
Linking Words
,
european
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European
show examples
authorities are developing innovative
libraries
Use synonyms
equipped with modern devices , allowing students to find information efficiently.
On the other hand
Linking Words
, some individuals argue that funding should go toward
heathcare
Correct your spelling
healthcare
rather than maintaining
libraries
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. Health is
very
Rephrase
more
show examples
crusial
Correct your spelling
crucial
than
books
Use synonyms
and
people
Use synonyms
cqn
Correct your spelling
can
now read
books
Use synonyms
on digital platforms.
Consequently
Linking Words
,
libraries
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may be less
need
Replace the word
needed
show examples
and
thr
Correct your spelling
the
funds could support
to
Change preposition
apply
show examples
hospitals and nursing homes where
peopel
Correct your spelling
people
can enjoy a better
tranquality
Correct your spelling
quality
of life. As an
illustation
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illustration
, in Texas , over 800
books
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were banned across 22 school
district
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districts
show examples
, showing a shift away from traditional
libraries
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.
To conclude
Linking Words
,
although
Linking Words
libraries
Use synonyms
provvide
Correct your spelling
provide
unique benefits, especially for
young
Add an article
the young
show examples
generation and
ekderly
Correct your spelling
elderly
people
Use synonyms
, healthcare remains a top priority.
Therefore
Linking Words
,
while
Linking Words
libraries
Use synonyms
should not be overlooked , investing healthcare system would help
to
Change preposition
apply
show examples
people
Use synonyms
's
well -being
Correct your spelling
well-being
show examples
.
Submitted by Writing9 on

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Grammar
Work on improving grammatical accuracy to enhance clarity. There are multiple minor grammatical errors, such as incorrect verb forms and misuse of articles and prepositions. Paying attention to subject-verb agreement and consistent use of tense will make the writing clearer.
Vocabulary
Enhance lexical resource by incorporating a variety of vocabulary. The repetitive use of certain words can be addressed by learning synonyms and related terms to make the writing more engaging.
Coherence
Structure your paragraphs more clearly. While your essay follows a logical structure, ensure each paragraph focuses on a single idea or a related set of ideas and transitions naturally to the next. Adding topic sentences can be beneficial.
Task Achievement
Include more detailed examples to support your points. While there were a couple of examples mentioned, they could be more specific and detailed to better illustrate your arguments.
Introduction & Conclusion
The essay provides a solid introduction and conclusion, effectively setting up the debate and summarizing the points discussed.
Balanced Argument
There are attempts to develop balanced views by presenting both sides of the argument, which shows the writer's awareness of the complexity of the topic.
Use of Examples
Efforts to incorporate examples, such as the Texas book ban, to support the discussion, despite them needing more detail.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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