IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5

Increase the price of junk food can decline the obesity among people .do you agree or disagree ?!

#price #junk #food #decline #obesity #people
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Obesity is a
fast moving
Add a hyphen
fast-moving
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problem
Use synonyms
 that
facing
Wrong verb form
faces
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 a lot of countries . It is believed by some
people
Use synonyms
 that
increase
Wrong verb form
increasing
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the
Correct article usage
apply
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fast
food
Use synonyms
 prices will solve the problems. In my
opinion
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opinion,
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 l
completly
Correct your spelling
completely
 disagree with
this
Linking Words
 statement for two
reason
Change to a plural noun
reasons
show examples
.
Firstly
Linking Words
 ,
overweight
Add a missing verb
being overweight
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 is
big
Correct article usage
a big
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seriouse
Correct your spelling
serious
problem
Use synonyms
 that
affect
Change the verb form
affects
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in
Change preposition
apply
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the
life
Fix the agreement mistake
lives
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 of
people
Use synonyms
especially
Add the comma(s)
, especially
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 in wealthy
family
Fix the agreement mistake
families
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. In fact , rich
people
Use synonyms
 can
bay
Correct your spelling
buy
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the
Correct article usage
apply
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junk
food
Use synonyms
 even if expensive , so the
rising
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rise
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of
Change preposition
in
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 price will not be
usuful
Correct your spelling
useful
 in
this
Linking Words
 case . What I mean just poor
family
Fix the agreement mistake
families
show examples
 will
affect
Wrong verb form
be affected
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from
Change preposition
by
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 increasing
the
Correct article usage
apply
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fast
food
Use synonyms
coast
Correct your spelling
cost
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 and maybe they try to eat healthy
food
Use synonyms
 which is cheap .
Moreover
Linking Words
 , the major
problem
Use synonyms
in
Correct your spelling
is
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 individual awareness . They must be aware
about
Change the preposition
of
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 the bad consequences of
eat
Change the verb form
eating
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 fast
food
Use synonyms
 and how it will harm their physical and mental
funcations
Correct your spelling
functions
. A study published in
Newyork
Correct your spelling
New York
show examples
 University in 2013 concluded that 90% of
people
Use synonyms
 who eat fattening
food
Use synonyms
 suffer from various dangerous
disease
Fix the agreement mistake
diseases
show examples
,especially
the
Correct article usage
apply
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rich
people
Use synonyms
 .
Secondly
Linking Words
 , the government has been responsible
to provide
Change preposition
for providing
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usuful
Correct your spelling
useful
wayes
Correct your spelling
ways
show examples
 to avoid the overweight
problem
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 .
In addition
Linking Words
 , it
request
Change the verb form
requests
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 to provide many
workshop
Change to a plural noun
workshops
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 in different institutions
such
Linking Words
 as
school
Fix the agreement mistake
schools
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,
company
Fix the agreement mistake
companies
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 and
hospital
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hospitals
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. In more
detail
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detail,
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 the workshop will argue and clarify the risk of junk
food
Use synonyms
in
Change preposition
to
show examples
Correct article usage
the healt
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healt
Correct your spelling
health
heart
 of
humenben
Correct your spelling
Humber
.
Also
Linking Words
 , they can encourage the
student
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students
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 or
people
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 who commit
having
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to having
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 healthy
food
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 with special
discount
Fix the agreement mistake
discounts
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 or
offer
Correct subject-verb agreement
offers
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 to purchase them .
For example
Linking Words
 government should make strict taxes
for
Change preposition
on
show examples
 restaurant owner if they sell or serve fast
food
Use synonyms
in
Change preposition
on
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 their menu .
Threrfor
Correct your spelling
Therefore
, the authority of
country
Correct article usage
the country
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 should assist
citizen
Fix the agreement mistake
citizens
show examples
 to be healthy and active .
To conclude
Linking Words
 , increasing the fee of junk
food
Use synonyms
not
Add a missing verb
is not
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suitable
Correct article usage
a suitable
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 solution . I disagree with
this
Linking Words
 and I see
their
Replace the word
there
show examples
 are a lot of useful
way
Change to a plural noun
ways
show examples
 to solve
this
Linking Words
 issue .
Submitted by wazraali1994 on

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task achievement
Try to further develop your main points with more specific examples and illustrations.
coherence cohesion
Ensure consistent use of language and improve grammatical accuracy to strengthen your arguments.
introduction conclusion
The essay provides a clear introduction and conclusion, presenting your stance effectively.
logical structure
There is an evident logical structure as you present two main arguments supporting your perspective.
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