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Writing Samples
Band 5

Some children find learning history at school very exciting, but many others think it is very boring. In what ways can history be brought to life for all school children?

#children #history #school #life
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In a
history
 class, we can always witness children filled with curiosity or excitement,
while
 we can
also
 observe others who are disengaged and bored. These
students
 think
history
 is irrelevant to their modern lives and it is said that having to learn dates and facts is torture for young people. Since
students
 do not know the relevance of themselves and
history
, teachers can bring them to
a historic sites
Correct the article-noun agreement
historic sites
a historic site
show examples
. It can make
students
 believe the historical events in the textbook really happened,
then
this
 may arouse their curiosity toward
history
. When I travelled through Tainan five years ago, which is a city full of
history
, I visited many places
such
 as
palace
Correct article usage
a palace
show examples
 built by the Dutch
conquerer
Fix the agreement mistake
conquerers
show examples
in
Change preposition
apply
show examples
centuries ago.
That is
 the
time
 I truly believe that there was really a
time
this
 place was taken by the Dutch government.
However
, some children may still find historical sites boring, as they can not see what really happened
then
.
Therefore
,
history
Correct article usage
the history
show examples
 teacher can play movies
of
Correct your spelling
or
show examples
 documentaries of
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
historical events
on
Change preposition
in
show examples
 class and have group
discussion
Fix the agreement mistake
discussions
show examples
 afterwards. Everyone loves
story
Fix the agreement mistake
stories
show examples
, especially
for
Change preposition
apply
show examples
young
man
Fix the agreement mistake
men
show examples
. Stories can relate young people to
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
life
in
Change preposition
apply
show examples
years or centuries ago
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
 because we can feel emotion, conflict or difficulties the role
faced
Wrong verb form
faces
show examples
,
then
 the movie watcher might want to know more about the background to fully understand the characters in videos.
This
 would be the best
time
 to introduce
history
. The core
issues
Fix the agreement mistake
issue
show examples
 of
history
 teaching is
students
 do not know the connection
of
Change preposition
between
show examples
modern
Correct article usage
the modern
show examples
 days and the old days. If we can successfully reconnect the boundaries, making
students
getting
Verb problem
apply
show examples
interested in the
time
 before, they
would
Wrong verb form
will
show examples
 love
history
 and find the fun in it.
Submitted by wendy86036581 on

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task achievement
While your examples are interesting, they could be more specific or detailed. Consider providing a vivid account of how visiting historical sites changed your perception.
coherence cohesion
The essay's ideas are clear, but you can enhance clarity by ensuring each paragraph focuses on one main idea clearly connected to the thesis.
introduction conclusion present
The introduction effectively presents the contrasting views of history among students, setting the stage for a thoughtful exploration.
logical structure
The essay maintains a logical progression with a clear structure, making it easy for the reader to follow the argument.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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