Somew people say that individuals who make a lot of money are the mostr successful. Others think that those who contribute to society like scientists and teachers are more successful. Diccuss both views and give your opinion.

#somew #people #individuals #money #mostr #society #scientists #teachers #diccuss

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Some

people

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consider that those who earn the most money are the

moest

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most

successful,

while

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others claim that

people

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who make vital

dedication

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dedications

show examples

society

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such

Linking Words

as scientists deserve

greater

Correct article usage

a greater

show examples

reputation. In my opinion, I would say those who make

effort

Correct article usage

an effort

show examples

to benefit the

overall

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development are the most successful. It is true that making

considerable

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a considerable

show examples

amount of money is one of the most crucial traits of a successful figure. In the highly competitive

society

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today, income status reflects one's ability

of living

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to live

show examples

. Meanwhile, being rich gradually becomes a quality of success, leading to a prosperous life and a greater societal influence.

Furthermore

Linking Words

, studies reveal that most

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apply

show examples

the

Correct article usage

apply

show examples

politicians have

entrepreneur

Replace the word

entrepreneurial

show examples

backgrounds, as they have more societal resources and higher positions, potentially gaining more public attention.

As a result

Linking Words

, these

people

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often win

people

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's admiration and respect because they are equipped with power and higher exposure to

society

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Thus

Linking Words

, the richest

people

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are usually regarded as role models for those who want to pursue bigger success. Scientists, inventors, teachers and many other outstanding experts are more successful figures than rich

people

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, as their contribution

for

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show examples

the world is

invalueable

Correct your spelling

invaluable

Scientist

Fix the agreement mistake

Scientists

show examples

like Einstein who devoted all his life to

explore

Change the verb form

exploring

show examples

science

has

Correct subject-verb agreement

have

show examples

made

tremendous

Add an article

a tremendous

show examples

impact

Change preposition

show examples

civilization today.

For example

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, the invention of lamp light has enlightened humane lives ever since and brought hope for extensive scientific exploration. As for teachers, they convey their knowledge to students, guiding them to develop mentally and

congnitively

Correct your spelling

cognitively

Therefore

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, students could widen not only their understanding but

also

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reinforce their ethnic norms. The dedication of these professional figures plays a vital role in

advancement

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the advancement

show examples

society

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. From my perspective, the devotion from professional experts

are

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show examples

without doubt more successful owing to their impacts on

world

Correct article usage

the world

show examples

are

inifinity

Correct your spelling

infinity

infinite

. The world could not be like today without the efforts

from

Change preposition

show examples

these scientists, inventors and instructors. In conclusion,

although

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rich

people

Use synonyms

are worth

admired

Wrong verb form

admiring

show examples

, I do believe that professionals are

Linking Words

further

Rephrase

show examples

successful.

The civilization

Correct article usage

Civilization

show examples

is not only built by financial

asset

Fix the agreement mistake

assets

show examples

but

also

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many

Change preposition

by many

show examples

other aspects like scientific invention, innovation and

intellctual

Correct your spelling

intellectual

lectures by teachers,

while

Linking Words

their values

last

Linking Words

still.

Submitted by a0979181071 on Thu Oct 31 2024

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language

Clarify some sentences to improve clarity, like 'the invention of lamp light has enlightened humane lives'.

content

Provide more examples for the argument that financial success is a crucial trait.

content

Strong introduction and conclusion that clearly express the writer's opinion.

content

Good use of examples, particularly when discussing contributions of scientists and teachers.

language

Logical progression of ideas throughout the essay, making it easy to follow.

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

for example
for instance
to illustrate this
to give a clear example
such as
namely
to illustrate
take, for example

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

12
Linking words
meeting the goal of 7 or more
2
Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
28
Grammar mistakes
detected issues

0123456789.0505

Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 6.0

Logical structure

Introduction & conclusion present

Supported main points

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 4.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 4.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 7.0

Complete response

Clear & comprehensive ideas

Relevant & specific examples

Appropriate word count

4 paragraphs

353 words

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Somew people say that individuals who make a lot of money are the mostr successful. Others think that those who contribute to society like scientists and teachers are more successful. Diccuss both views and give your opinion.

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Many museums charge for admission while others are free. Do you think the advantages of charging people for admission to museums outweigh the disadvantage?

Some people believe that children can learn effectively by watching TV and they should be encouraged to watch TV both at home and school. To what extent do you agree or disagree? – Disagree -

Nowadays the way many people interact with each other has changed because of technology. In what ways has technology affected the types of relationships people make? Has this become a positive or negative development?

Some people say that the best way to improve public health is by increasing the number of sport facilities. Others, however, say that this would have little effect on public health and that other measures are required. Discuss both these views and give your own opinion.

Nowadays many people choose to be self-employed, rather than to work for a company or organisation. Why might this be the case? What could be the disadvantages of being self-employed?