Somew people say that individuals who make a lot of money are the mostr successful. Others think that those who contribute to society like scientists and teachers are more successful. Diccuss both views and give your opinion.
Some
people
consider that those who earn the most money are the moest
successful, Correct your spelling
most
while
others claim that people
who make vital dedication
to Fix the agreement mistake
dedications
society
such
as scientists deserve greater
reputation. In my opinion, I would say those who make Correct article usage
a greater
effort
to benefit the Correct article usage
an effort
overall
development are the most successful.
It is true that making considerable
amount of money is one of the most crucial traits of a successful figure. In the highly competitive Add an article
a considerable
society
today, income status reflects one's ability of living
. Meanwhile, being rich gradually becomes a quality of success, leading to a prosperous life and a greater societal influence. Change preposition
to live
Furthermore
, studies reveal that most of
Change preposition
apply
the
politicians have Correct article usage
apply
entrepreneur
backgrounds, as they have more societal resources and higher positions, potentially gaining more public attention. Replace the word
entrepreneurial
As a result
, these people
often win people
's admiration and respect because they are equipped with power and higher exposure to society
. Thus
, the richest people
are usually regarded as role models for those who want to pursue bigger success.
Scientists, inventors, teachers and many other outstanding experts are more successful figures than rich people
, as their contribution for
the world is Change preposition
to
invalueable
. Correct your spelling
invaluable
Scientist
like Einstein who devoted all his life to Fix the agreement mistake
Scientists
explore
science Change the verb form
exploring
has
made Correct subject-verb agreement
have
tremendous
impact Add an article
a tremendous
to
civilization today. Change preposition
on
For example
, the invention of lamp light has enlightened humane lives ever since and brought hope for extensive scientific exploration. As for teachers, they convey their knowledge to students, guiding them to develop mentally and congnitively
. Correct your spelling
cognitively
Therefore
, students could widen not only their understanding but also
reinforce their ethnic norms. The dedication of these professional figures plays a vital role in advancement
of Add an article
the advancement
society
. From my perspective, the devotion from professional experts are
without doubt more successful owing to their impacts on Change the verb form
is
world
are Correct article usage
the world
inifinity
. The world could not be like today without the efforts Correct your spelling
infinity
infinite
from
these scientists, inventors and instructors.
In conclusion, Change preposition
of
although
rich people
are worth admired
, I do believe that professionals are Wrong verb form
admiring
further
successful. Rephrase
more
The civilization
is not only built by financial Correct article usage
Civilization
asset
but Fix the agreement mistake
assets
also
many
other aspects like scientific invention, innovation and Change preposition
by many
intellctual
lectures by teachers, Correct your spelling
intellectual
while
their values last
still.Submitted by a0979181071 on
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language
Clarify some sentences to improve clarity, like 'the invention of lamp light has enlightened humane lives'.
content
Provide more examples for the argument that financial success is a crucial trait.
content
Strong introduction and conclusion that clearly express the writer's opinion.
content
Good use of examples, particularly when discussing contributions of scientists and teachers.
language
Logical progression of ideas throughout the essay, making it easy to follow.
Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.
Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.
When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.
Linking words for giving examples:
- for example
- for instance
- to illustrate this
- to give a clear example
- such as
- namely
- to illustrate
- take, for example