IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 2.5

You have just a cursed in a college which has no sports facilities of its own

#college #sports #facilities
✨ Do you want to improve your IELTS writing?
Dear Sir or Madam I am writing to enquire about I will joining your
Use synonyms
sport
Change the noun form
sports
show examples
 facilities because not available
sport
Use synonyms
 gym our university First of
all
Add a comma
all,
show examples
 let me introduce myself my full name is Shin Hari.You can call me Hari and I am 17 years old. I study at
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
Yonsei
university
Capitalize word
University
show examples
. I am crazy about
sport
Use synonyms
 because it is very useful for my health.I have been interested in sports since I was young so
Use synonyms
sport
Fix the agreement mistake
sports
show examples
 has
became
Change the verb form
become
show examples
 a part of my life.I
have been doing
Wrong verb form
did
show examples
 karate when I was young and I have
also
Linking Words
 been very interested in volleyball at the moment and
doing
Verb problem
play
show examples
 volleyball twice a
weeks
Fix the agreement mistake
week
show examples
 I
ask
Wrong verb form
am asking
show examples
 you
some
Change preposition
for some
show examples
 information about your
Use synonyms
sport
Change the noun form
sports
show examples
club. What are my
possibility
Fix the agreement mistake
possibilities
show examples
 if I join your club? I would like to use your
Use synonyms
sport
Change the noun form
sports
show examples
 club for unlimited time and I would
also
Linking Words
 like to know what the costs are for members. I hope you will replace
this
Linking Words
 answer.You can write on my email @shinHari Yours Faithfully Shin Hari
Submitted by Writing9 on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

task achievement
While the letter structure is clear with an introduction and closing, ensure that your main points are fully developed and supported with specific details. This will help in making your response more convincing.
coherence cohesion
Try to refine your logical structure by organizing your thoughts clearly into paragraphs, each focusing on a distinct idea or point. This will enhance the readability and flow of your letter.
task achievement
You've effectively introduced yourself and expressed your passion for sports, which adds a personal touch to the letter.
coherence cohesion
The letter's purpose is clear, and the introduction and conclusion are present, providing a well-defined framework for your message.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

What to do next:
Look at other essays: