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Writing Samples
Band 5

In many countries, people are now living longer than ever before. Some people say an ageing population creases problems for governments. other people think there are benefits if society has more elderly people. To what extent do the advantages of having anageing population outweigh the disadvantages?

#countries #people #population #creases #governments #society
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With the continuous improvement of the healthcare system and the advancement of medical technology, global life expectancy is increasing, which has led to a significant increase in the number of elderly people. Some people believe that
this
 change has brought huge challenges to the
government
,
while
 others believe that the increase in the elderly
population
 has brought certain benefits to society，In my opinion,
although
 the
aging
Change the spelling
ageing
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population
 has brought certain challenges to the
government
, the increase in the number of elderly people is
also
 beneficial to society
Firstly
,
population
aging
Change the spelling
ageing
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 puts pressure on the healthcare system and social services, as the elderly require more medical care and nursing services;
And
Correct word choice
apply
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it requires a large number of doctors with relevant expertise, and the
government
 needs to invest a lot of funds to help solve the problem;
Population
aging
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ageing
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 may lead to a reduction in
Add an article
the labor
show examples
labor
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labour
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 force, resulting in
labor
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labour
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 shortages and a decrease in the employed
population
; Resulting in a decrease in
government
 funds and energy, affecting funding for education and infrastructure construction，
This
 will lead to a decrease in productivity and limited economic growth
Secondly
,
population
aging
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ageing
show examples
 has brought some benefits to society. The experience and abilities of the elderly can guide the workforce to better arrange work and improve work efficiency. Their rich experience and ideas can promote internal innovation and problem-solving abilities; And the elderly can still serve as
laborers
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labourers
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, alleviating the shortage of
labor
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labour
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 force
Overall
,
population
aging
Change the spelling
ageing
show examples
 has both advantages and disadvantages. We should treat difficulties and challenges equally, make reasonable use of corresponding advantages, and play a corresponding role in providing assistance to society; Disadvantages should
also
 be viewed correctly, problems should be solved reasonably, and the current situation should be improved
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improvement
To enhance task achievement, aim to incorporate more specific examples that support your points about healthcare burdens and economic impacts. This will help to make your arguments more tangible and relatable.
improvement
In terms of coherence, work on connecting your ideas more explicitly. For instance, use clear transitions between points on challenges and benefits to improve the logical flow.
improvement
Strengthen the conclusion by summarizing the main points more distinctly and proposing a clear recommendation or final thought on how society can maximize benefits while minimizing challenges.
task achievement
The essay addresses both sides of the issue, outlining the challenges and benefits of an ageing population, which is central to the task.
coherence cohesion
Logical structure is evident with clear paragraph divisions. Each paragraph focuses on a specific aspect of the ageing population issue.
coherence cohesion
The introduction clearly sets up the problem and presents the stance that the advantages outweigh the disadvantages.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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