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Writing Samples
Band 5.5

Summerise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant. The pie chart shows in which location of an Australian town dance classes are being held, and the bar chart illustrates the number of attendees.

Summerise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant. The pie chart shows in which location of an Australian town dance classes are being held, and the bar chart illustrates the number of attendees.
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It is clear that
Linking Words
,
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 private studios are the most common location for
dance
Use synonyms
classes
Use synonyms
.
Overall
Linking Words
, ballet is the most popular kind of
dance
Use synonyms
 with young people under 11,
while
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 children between 11 and 16 would rather participate in modern
dance
Use synonyms
classes
Use synonyms
. As depicted in the pie chart, private studios accommodate almost half of the
classes
Use synonyms
 in
this
Linking Words
 town. School halls, which have after-school programs, and community halls and other places account for almost 20 per cent of the
classes
Use synonyms
.
However
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, the fewest
classes
Use synonyms
 (at 10%) are in college-based studios. It can be seen that
,
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 Ballet which is the most popular kind of
dance
Use synonyms
 among children under 11, is the least favourable for participants between 11 and 16, respectively 600 and 300
students
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. The opposite pattern goes for modern
dance
Use synonyms
.
Whereas
Linking Words
 it has the most number of
students
Use synonyms
 between 11 and 16, it is the least liked by
students
Use synonyms
 under 11. Tap
classes
Use synonyms
 receive almost the same number of
students
Use synonyms
 (about 450).

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Introduction: The introduction is missing.
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Introduction: Change the first sentence in the introduction.
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Introduction: The chart intro is missing.
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Introduction: The chart intro is missing.
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Vocabulary: Replace the words dance, classes, students with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: Only 5 basic words for charts were used.
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Vocabulary: The word "number of" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "almost" was used 3 times.
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Vocabulary: Use several vocabularies to present the data in the first paragraph.
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