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Writing Samples /
Band 5

Some people think that the environmental problems should be solved on a global scale while others believe it is better to deal with them nationally. discuss both these views and give your own opinion. an

#people #scale
Some would argue that we should deal with
environment
Replace the word
environmental
show examples
issues
 on a global
scale
.
However
,
other
Fix the agreement mistake
others
show examples
 think that figuring out the
problem
 nationally is a better way.
While
 nationally takes a lot of time. I believe that it is better to resolve the
problem
 on a global
scale
 where everyone can share their ideas and make decisions. On the
one
 hand, some people think resolving the issue on a global
scale
 can help
for
Change preposition
apply
show examples
everyone
Replace the word
every one
show examples
 share
with
Change preposition
apply
show examples
ideas or probably solutions and they believe that it takes much
time
Correct quantifier usage
more time
show examples
 than the alternatives.
For example
,
There
Fix capitalization
there
show examples
 are in Kazakhstan,
have
Correct subject-verb agreement
has
show examples
unresolved
Add an article
an unresolved
the unresolved
show examples
problem
Fix the agreement mistake
problems
show examples
 that no
one
 cannot find
the
Correct article usage
a
show examples
 solution
.
Change preposition
to.
show examples
 The sea named Aral, which is now looks like a lake. Nowadays it is
the
Correct article usage
a
show examples
 big
problem
in
Change preposition
on
show examples
 a global
scale
. Even
,
Correct word choice
if, government
show examples
government
Correct article usage
the government
show examples
 do some kind of action and even
amount
Correct article usage
the amount
show examples
 of money
was
Unnecessary verb
apply
show examples
invested
unfortunately
Add the comma(s)
, unfortunately
show examples
, there is no result.
However
, the
problem
 doesn't have
the
Correct article usage
a
show examples
 solution, I believe that
one
 day we find the key
of
Change preposition
to
show examples
 the issue.
On the other hand
,
find
Wrong verb form
finding
show examples
 a solution to trouble in
global
Change the article
a global
show examples
 way will be the best decision because it will be amazing to distribute
with
Change preposition
apply
show examples
knowledge,
ideas
Correct word choice
and ideas
show examples
 and to manufacture new technologies to sort out the difficulty.
For example
, global warming which is everyone knows and doing everything to avoid warming. Nowadays, on a large
scale
, many countries started to use renewable energy sources, recycling and protecting forest, which contains carbon dioxide. I believe addressing
issues
 on a global
scale
 means
to bring
Change the verb form
bringing
show examples
 resources and cooperation from the world and it is more effective than any
one
 country could achieve
along
Rephrase
apply
show examples
. In conclusion,
deal
Wrong verb form
dealing
show examples
 with
issues
 on a global
scale
 is more effective and productive than other solutions.
Although
, resolving
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
environment
Replace the word
environmental
show examples
issues
it
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
is humanity’s responsibility and
figure
Wrong verb form
figuring
show examples
 out the difficulty nationally will be
injustice
Add an article
an injustice
show examples
.
Submitted by akzharkynzhamal on

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Introduction/Conclusion
Try to refine your introduction to include a clearer acknowledgment of both viewpoints before presenting your opinion.
Task Achievement
Ensure all arguments are fully developed with adequate examples and explanations for better clarity.
Coherence and Cohesion
Work on making your paragraphs more cohesive by using a clear topic sentence and linking words to guide the reader through your argument.
Introduction/Conclusion
The conclusion effectively summarizes the main arguments and provides a clear stance on the topic.
Task Achievement
The essay provides a complete yet basic response to the question, addressing both viewpoints and presenting a personal opinion.

Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately

Linking words are very important in your essay.

To score effectively on your IELTS exam, you should make an effort to implement short concise sentences coupled with linking words.

Almost every sentence in your essay should have a linking word of some sort.

In fact, the only sentences that can omit linking words are your background sentence and thesis.

Linking word examples:

  • firstly
  • secondly
  • thirdly
  • in additional
  • moreover
  • also
  • for example
  • for instance
  • therefore
  • however
  • although
  • even though
  • despite

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Essentional vocabulary list for IELTS Writing 7+

Learn how to write high-scoring essays with powerful words.
Download Free PDF and start improving you writing skills today!
Topic Vocabulary:
  • international cooperation
  • sovereign rights
  • Paris Agreement
  • climate change
  • ocean pollution
  • collective measures
  • economic interests
  • political will
  • enforcement issues
  • free-riders
  • tailor-made solutions
  • transboundary pollution
  • resource constraints
  • global frameworks
  • national efforts
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