IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 5.5

Some people think that the environmental problems should be solved on a global scale while others believe it is better to deal with them nationally. discuss both these views and give your own opinion. ag

#people #scale #ag
Some people believe that solutions for environmental
issues
 can be found on a global scale,
while
 others think it is better to solve them nationally. Solving these
problems
 nationally
easier
Add a missing verb
is easier
show examples
 and
have
Correct subject-verb agreement
has
show examples
less
Change the quantifier
fewer
show examples
problems
.
However
, I believe that
due to
connection
Correct article usage
the connection
show examples
 between
countries
Add a comma
countries,
show examples
 it will be accurate
searching
Change the verb form
to search
show examples
right
Correct article usage
the right
show examples
ways
Fix the agreement mistake
way
show examples
 globally. First of all, dealing with environmental
problems
 individually helps to reduce conflicts and takes less time. Organising international meetings,
making
Correct word choice
and making
show examples
 portable decisions are really expensive, if every country will solve these
problems
 themselves, they can focus only on solutions and nature.
For example
, air pollution in China
becomes
Wrong verb form
has become
show examples
 a huge mess and
government
Correct article usage
the government
show examples
 can create new technologies
to
Change preposition
for
show examples
 it by developing
own
Correct pronoun usage
its own
show examples
 systems and decreasing pollution,
also
this
one
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
takes less time and energy.In spite
of
Correct pronoun usage
of this
show examples
, I believe that
this
 way can not resolve many of these
issues
.
On the other hand
, many environmental
problems
related
Add a missing verb
are related
show examples
 to two or more nations
that
Correct pronoun usage
which
show examples
 is why it is better to find solutions globally. These
issues
 can appear
due to
 others and finding ways out together might be more comfortable and peaceful.
For instance
,
Problem
Correct article usage
the Problem
show examples
 of
Aral
Correct article usage
the Aral
show examples
 Sea continues because of
lack
Correct article usage
the lack
show examples
 of water in the rivers that come from Uzbekistan too,
although
sea
Add an article
the sea
show examples
 is located mostly in Kazakhstan. I believe that in many cases global scale is
good
Correct article usage
a good
show examples
 decision for everybody. In conclusion, searching and dealing with environmental
problems
 nationally may be simple and faster, but it
is
Verb problem
does
show examples
 not eradicate whole
issues
.
That is
 the reason why it is important
discussing
Change the verb form
to discuss
show examples
 them globally.
Submitted by akzharkynzhamal on

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coherence cohesion
Ensure clarity in presenting your views. The essay sometimes lacks clarity in the transition between different arguments.
task achievement
Provide a more comprehensive exploration of each viewpoint, possibly with more varied examples.
task achievement
Strengthen the concluding statement to reinforce your opinion clearly.
structure
The essay provides a clear introduction and conclusion, with a balanced discussion of both views.
task achievement
The task response is generally well achieved, with relevant examples to support the arguments.
coherence cohesion
There is a coherent logical flow to the essay, with viewpoints clearly presented in separate paragraphs.
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