IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5

Some people believe the purpose of education should be helping the individuals to become useful for soceity , while others believe it should help individulas to achieve their ambitions. Discuss both views and give your opinion?

#people #purpose #education #individuals #soceity #individulas #ambitions
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Some
people
Use synonyms
 believe the purpose of
education
Use synonyms
 should be
helping
Change the verb form
to help
show examples
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
individuals
Use synonyms
 to become useful for
soceity
Correct your spelling
society
,
while
Linking Words
 others believe it should help
individulas
Correct your spelling
individuals
to
Fix the infinitive
apply
show examples
achieve their ambitions. Discuss both views and give your opinion
?
Change the punctuation
.
show examples
 Some
individuals
Use synonyms
 are of the opinion that educational intention should be assisting to humans
became
Wrong verb form
become
show examples
 more useful for
thecommunity
Correct your spelling
the community
,
while
Linking Words
otjers
Correct your spelling
others
 believe it may help
individuals
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 to reach their perspectives.
To
Change preposition
In
show examples
 my mind, if
people
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pursuit
Replace the word
pursue
show examples
to
Change preposition
apply
show examples
their dreams
that
Correct pronoun usage
it
show examples
helps
Change the verb form
help
show examples
 to contribute not only
Use synonyms
society
Change preposition
to society
show examples
 but
also
Linking Words
 to
future
Add an article
the future
show examples
 way of life.
This
Linking Words
 essay aims to examine
bothsides
Correct your spelling
both sides
 of the argument surrounding
this
Linking Words
 topic, providing a balanced analysis of the divergent
viewpoint
Fix the agreement mistake
viewpoints
show examples
. From the first perspective,
education
Use synonyms
 plays a
crusial
Correct your spelling
crucial
 role in
people
Use synonyms
's lives, often more so than other influences. One primary reason for
this
Linking Words
 could be that
people
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 realize the value of time and money and understand that, without academic knowledge , they may not find a high-paying occupation. Schools provide various educational systems for students , which benefits the
comjunity
Correct your spelling
community
. Students
educated
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are educated
show examples
 to become more useful to
society
Use synonyms
 because they
liveand
Correct your spelling
live and
 are born in these
place
Fix the agreement mistake
places
show examples
.
Additionally
Linking Words
 , when
people
Use synonyms
 contribute anything to
community
Add an article
the community
show examples
,they gain respect among peers and authorities. If
people
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 aim to serve their country, governments should support free educational
system
Fix the agreement mistake
systems
show examples
 for all
type
Fix the agreement mistake
types
show examples
 of
stydents
Correct your spelling
students
. As an illustration , Finland's
education
Use synonyms
 system is highly regarded as it offers equal opportunities
donot
Correct your spelling
do not
 look background and abilities. From the second perspective, life consists of personal edification. First and foremost, many students go to
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
academic knowledge for their
aspiration
Fix the agreement mistake
aspirations
show examples
 or
parent's
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parents'
show examples
request
Fix the agreement mistake
requests
show examples
. In my view , life without ambition can feel empty , fulfilling one's personal goals
cqn
Correct your spelling
can
 help reduce stress and anxiety and boost
to
Change preposition
apply
show examples
self-confidence.
Moreover
Linking Words
, when
people
Use synonyms
 engage in
taks
Correct your spelling
talks
tasks
 with
truly
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true
show examples
 ambitions , it
benefit
Change the verb form
benefits
show examples
to
Change preposition
apply
show examples
themselves and
society
Use synonyms
 too.
For instance
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,
individuals
Use synonyms
 who prioritize career growth often achieve higher salaries than
people
Use synonyms
 who
contributed
Wrong verb form
contribute
show examples
whole
Correct word choice
apply
show examples
to
society
Use synonyms
.
Similarly
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, countries known for their arts, like Italy, China,
United
Correct article usage
the United
show examples
 States and France, attract many visitors, which boosts the economy. In conclusion ,
while
Linking Words
 some consider
education
Use synonyms
for
Change preposition
as
show examples
 only contributing to
community
Correct article usage
the community
show examples
 side,
Linking Words
however
Add the comma(s)
however,
show examples
 many
people
Use synonyms
 say
education
Use synonyms
 should
be proceed
Change the verb form
be proceeded
show examples
 by
humans
Fix the agreement mistake
human
show examples
 aspiration. In my opinion
that
Correct word choice
apply
show examples
academic success
from
Add a missing verb
is from
show examples
 personal ambition.
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coherence cohesion
Be careful with language accuracy. Small grammatical mistakes and typos are present. Proofreading can help improve the clarity and precision of your writing.
coherence cohesion
Ensure each paragraph has a clear topic sentence that presents the main idea, making it easier for readers to follow your arguments.
task achievement
Expand on specific ideas by providing more detailed explanations or examples to make your arguments more convincing.
task achievement
You present both sides of the argument clearly, which shows a balanced understanding of the task requirements.
task achievement
You make an effort to relate individual aspirations to societal benefits, adding depth to your argument.
coherence cohesion
The essay has a clear introduction and conclusion, setting up and summarizing the discussion effectively.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

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