IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 1.5

The unlimited use of cars may cause problems. What are those problems? In order to reduce the problems, should we discourage people to use cars? Give a reason for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge and experience. Write at least 250 words.

#cars #people #reason
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In
this
Linking Words
 modern era, each
resisdent
Correct your spelling
resident
 has more than two cars. People
prefer
Add the particle
prefer to
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 use transportation as a
car
Use synonyms
 because of convenience.
Due to
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increasing
Correct article usage
the increasing
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 number of cars in
the
Correct article usage
apply
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recent years causing many
problem
Change to a plural noun
problems
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 for
environment
Add an article
the environment
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 and
as well as
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 for society.
This
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 essay is going to
the
Correct article usage
apply
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outline
of
Change preposition
apply
show examples
the cause and problem
along with
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 remedies,
thus
Linking Words
lead
Wrong verb form
leading
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 to a final conclusion. First of all, many youngster and adults
relies
Change the verb form
rely
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 on
Use synonyms
Add an article
the car
a car
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car
Fix the agreement mistake
cars
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 as transportation for work, school and so on.
Due to
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increasing
Correct article usage
the increasing
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 number of
Use synonyms
car
Fix the agreement mistake
cars
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, creating
a
Remove the article
apply
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heavy traffic in
main
Change the article
the main
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 area, generating fuel
emission
Fix the agreement mistake
emissions
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 from the
Use synonyms
car
Fix the agreement mistake
cars
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 which is not good for
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
human health.
Submitted by dhivyaravi0396 on

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coherence cohesion
Your essay lacks a clearly structured conclusion. Consider summarizing your main points and presenting a final judgement or solution in the last paragraph.
task achievement
Try to expand your essay by discussing more problems caused by cars, such as environmental pollution and noise. Also, include more solutions and reasons why cars shouldn't be discouraged.
task achievement
Consider providing specific examples or studies to support your claims about the increase in cars or their environmental impact. This will make your argument more compelling.
coherence cohesion
Your opening paragraph effectively introduces the topic and hints at the points you will discuss.
task achievement
You correctly identified a problem associated with car usage – air pollution due to fuel emissions.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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