IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

Some people believe that it is good to share as much information as possible in scientific research, business and the academic world. Others believe that some information is too important or too valuable to be shared freely. Discuss both these views and give your own opinion.

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In an advanced technology generation,
people
Use synonyms
 acquire
information
Use synonyms
 from everywhere
costs
Correct word choice
that costs
show examples
 less
time
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 nowadays,but they are not allowed to use these,I still think it is not free in our society and
not
Add a missing verb
does not
show examples
 belong
Change preposition
to
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everyone.
People
Use synonyms
 who think to get other
Use synonyms
people
Change noun form
people's
show examples
information
Use synonyms
 are easy
andfree
Correct your spelling
and free
 to complete their achievement.Take,
for example
Linking Words
,those who try to solve the question and want to
cost
Verb problem
save
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 less
time
Use synonyms
,they
saves
Change the verb form
save
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 a large of
time
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 by finding many ways,tests and checking whether is wrong or right.
Such
Linking Words
 as scientific research and
the
Correct article usage
apply
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academic areas can help
people
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 solve the questions
fastly
Rephrase
quickly
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..
However
Linking Words
,I do not think they may work out fast because they are impossible to every
time
Use synonyms
 can find the solution.
People
Use synonyms
 will not develop their personal thinking because they do not get a reward and do not have any activity.
On the other hand
Linking Words
,argue that individual creativity is important because it is valuable to sell
other
Change preposition
to other
show examples
people
Use synonyms
.
Creativers
Correct your spelling
Creatives
 use their brains to make different innovations,and some
people
Use synonyms
such
Linking Words
 as famous company bosses pay the highest price to use them,and they will have a lot of
motivations
Fix the agreement mistake
motivation
show examples
 to do
this
Linking Words
.Consistently,
people
Use synonyms
 understand that thinking by themselves can earn more money and more value in the world,they will improve their
skill
Fix the agreement mistake
skills
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 and society develop better.I agree with
this
Linking Words
 argument because if
people
Use synonyms
 spend a lot of
time
Use synonyms
 doing things
such
Linking Words
 as scientific research, business and academics,they have to get some reward when they give the
information
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 to other
people
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.
Otherwise
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,
people
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 do not create but just acquire something from every place. In conclusion,
although
Linking Words
 getting
information
Use synonyms
 nowadays is fast.It is some
people
Use synonyms
 spend much
time
Use synonyms
 making special products and
happens
Correct pronoun usage
what happens
show examples
 in their mind.
Therefore
Linking Words
.It can not be shared to be free in my view.

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Task Response
Your essay addresses both sides of the argument, which is excellent for task response. However, try to provide more specific examples to strengthen your points, especially in scientific and academic contexts.
Coherence and Cohesion
Your ideas are logically structured, but some sentences can be clearer. Consider using transitional phrases to improve the flow between sentences.
Coherence and Cohesion
To enhance clarity, use varied vocabulary and more sophisticated sentence structures, which will help in clearly conveying your ideas.
Coherence and Cohesion
The introduction and conclusion are effectively done, clarifying your position right from the start and summarizing your thoughts at the end.
Task Response
You've tackled the task quite completely by discussing both viewpoints and giving your own opinion, which demonstrates a good understanding of the task's requirement.
Task Response
You have an insightful observance on the importance of individual creativity, which is a strong point of your essay.
Topic Vocabulary:
  • information sharing
  • scientific research
  • business
  • academic world
  • advancement of knowledge
  • progress
  • collaboration
  • cross-disciplinary research
  • open access
  • democratization of information
  • transparency
  • credibility
  • intellectual property
  • security concerns
  • commercial interests
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