Parents are putting a lot of pressure on their children to succeed. What are the reasons for this? Is it a positive or negative development?

#parents #pressure #children #development

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It is widely observed that many

parents

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nowadays put their

children

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under

Remove the article

apply

show examples

extreme pressure for the sake of their

children

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success

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, others argue that

this

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might be the consequences of

Correct article usage

the pat

show examples

pat

Correct your spelling

past

show examples

experiences of the

parents

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that contribute to

this

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controversy.

Hence

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, whether

this

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intensifying pressure from the

parents

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will benefit

for

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apply

show examples

the

Correct article usage

apply

show examples

society or not will be discussed

further

Linking Words

this

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essay.

To begin

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with, it seems sensible for some to believe that the trend of parenting that

emphasis

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emphasises

show examples

Change preposition

apply

show examples

success

Use synonyms

happens for a reason. Many

parents

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experiences

Wrong verb form

experienced

show examples

hardship and struggle in their past and they viewed that intensive

competitions

Fix the agreement mistake

competition

show examples

todays'

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today's

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world is as scary as war

Correct subject-verb agreement

does

show examples

. In order to be outstanding among others, they must

be succeed

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succeed

show examples

in some ways for

parents

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to relieve about their child's future. As a

consequences

Correct the article-noun agreement

consequence

show examples

this

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could bring about two

side

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sides

show examples

of agreements.

Firstly

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, many might agree that

this

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can

fostering

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foster

be fostering

show examples

children

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to slowly adapt to

the

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apply

show examples

adulthood without being

sugar coating

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sugarcoated

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as the real world is much more cruel

for

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show examples

them. It

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also

Add a missing verb

is also

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a way to teach them to manage

with

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apply

show examples

stress and obstacles on their own.

However

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, others might

opposed

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oppose

be opposed

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that

this

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can

leads

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lead

show examples

to overexpose of stress for the

children

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as they are not mature enough, making them

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apply

show examples

become

depend

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dependent

show examples

on their

parents

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Therefore

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, I personally argue in favour of

negative

Correct article usage

the negative

show examples

side seeing that

children

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are vulnerable to stress and

this

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could make them t In summary,

although

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it is undeniable that

parents

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put so much effort on their

children

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to be

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success

Replace the word

successful

show examples

as a fear of their own pasts.

While

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pressurizing

Change preposition

apply

show examples

children

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for

success

Use synonyms

can be positively viewed as a transient phase for adulthood, I am of the opinion that

this

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can bring about detrimental

effect

Fix the agreement mistake

effects

show examples

on them like the loss of

automy

Correct your spelling

autonomy

and mental breakdown from being stressed out.

Submitted by kamonluck1999 on Sat Nov 02 2024

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task achievement

To improve task achievement, integrate more relevant and specific examples to support your points. These examples should clearly illustrate your arguments and make your discussion more convincing.

coherence cohesion

In terms of coherence and cohesion, work on improving the logical structure of your essay. Try to ensure that your arguments flow seamlessly from one to another. Consider using more linking words or phrases to help guide the reader through your essay.

coherence cohesion

Further clarity and expansion of your ideas would strengthen your essay. Make sure each paragraph focuses clearly on a single idea or argument, with each point being fully explained and developed.

task achievement

The essay clearly presents both sides of the argument regarding parents putting pressure on their children, which shows a balanced view.

coherence cohesion

The introduction and conclusion are present, providing a good framework for your essay.

task achievement

The essay attempts to address the topic directly, acknowledging both positive and negative outcomes of parental pressure.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

Paragraph 1 - Introduction

Sentence 1 - Background statement
Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
Sentence 3 - Thesis
Sentence 4 - Outline sentence

Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph

Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
Sentence 2 - Example
Sentence 3 - Discussion
Sentence 4 - Conclusion

Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph

Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
Sentence 2 - Example
Sentence 3 - Discussion
Sentence 4 - Conclusion

Paragraph 4 - Conclusion

Sentence 1 - Summary
Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

10
Linking words
meeting the goal of 7 or more
3
Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
29
Grammar mistakes
detected issues

0123456789.0505

Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 6.0

6.5

Logical structure

Introduction & conclusion present

5.5

Supported main points

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 4.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 4.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 5.5

Complete response

6.5

Clear & comprehensive ideas

5.5

Relevant & specific examples

Appropriate word count

5 paragraphs

306 words

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Parents are putting a lot of pressure on their children to succeed. What are the reasons for this? Is it a positive or negative development?

Fully explain your ideas

Some people say that the main result of environmental problem of our time is the loss of particular species of plants and animals. Others say that there are more important result on environmental problems. Discuss both these views and give your own opinion.

Economic progress is one way to measure the success of one country, While some people think there are other factors. what other factors should be considers ? Within these factors, do you think anyone is more important than the others ?

Some people think that the computers will be more intelligent than humans. Others are worried about the negative consequences of them. Discuss both views and give your opinion.

Some people say showing program such as Olympics, cricket on television is the best way to encourage adults to do exercise. Some say that there are some other ways to encourage adults for exercise. Discuss both views and give your opinion.