IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 7.5

A person’s worth nowadays seems to be judged according to social status and material possessions. Old fashioned values such as honour, kindness, and trust no longer seem important. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

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It is argued that
people
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 recently judge others by how much money they have and how high
status
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 they get rather than their social attitude.
This
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 essay disagrees with the statement since
people
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 become wiser day by day and there are many
people
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 who fake their
status
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 condition. The ubiquitous access to knowledge in recent days has made
people
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 learn to be wiser swiftly. They read a book related to
this
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 topic or watch it on television. A number of cases show and explain that money is not equivalent to a good heart. Many public figures who have branded expensive things end up in jail because they become a criminal to get it.
Hence
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,
people
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 have left the old mindset and respected the warm-hearted influencers more.
For example
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, Jokowidodo, the politician who was the only typical citizen living in a village could win the presidential election two times because he always seemed polite to the elders. Social
status
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also
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 is left by modern
people
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 nowadays as there are a lot of
people
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 who like to fake it. It is because they want to get respect easily from their customers, colleagues, friends, teachers, or from their families. They may do either crime to cover their real identity or fake their information to hide the criminal activities that they are doing. Indonesia,
for instance
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, has a lot of lawyers who create unreal university certificates which show they just graduated from top world universities like Harvard or Columbia. They do it just to get the belief and trust of their clients and to get paid more. In conclusion,
people
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 are not likely judged based on their money or social
status
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 now;
however
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, it is
according to
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 their heart because
people
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 become wiser and they know that there are fake
people
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 around.

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coherence cohesion
While the essay presents a clear argument, consider further explaining the logical connections between ideas. For instance, explain how reading books or media directly impacts perspectives on materialism and values more thoroughly.
task achievement
Ensure that each idea is fully developed. The examples provided could be expanded to solidify your argument, such as exploring in more depth how Jokowidodo's demeanor resonated with voters.
task achievement
You might include more balanced viewpoints to address both sides of the argument, even if briefly, which can strengthen your position and demonstrate a nuanced understanding of the topic.
task achievement
The essay provides a clear stance and maintains this perspective throughout, which strengthens the argument
task achievement
The examples used are relevant and add credibility to the points, such as the reference to Jokowidodo and fake credentials.
coherence cohesion
The introduction and conclusion effectively frame the essay, allowing readers to understand the primary argument.
coherence cohesion
Ideas are organized in a logical sequence, making it easy to follow the argument.

Your opinion

Don’t put your opinion unless you are asked to give it.

If the question asks what you think, you MUST give your opinion to get a good score.

Don’t leave your opinion until the conclusion.

Here are examples of instructions that require you to give your opinion:

...do you agree or disagree?...do you think...?...your opinion...?

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • Social status
  • Material possessions
  • Old-fashioned values
  • Honour
  • Kindness
  • Trust
  • Judged
  • Importance
  • Traditional
  • Reflection
  • Achievements
  • Hard work
  • Disregarded
  • Well-balanced
  • Meaningful
  • Cultural norms
  • Societal norms
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