In some cities, public parks and open spaces are changed into gardens where local residents can grow their own fruit and vegetables.

It is being observed that in some towns, public parks and open spaces are used as gardens in which local people could foster their own
fruit
Fix the agreement mistake
fruits
show examples
and vegetables.
This
essay will outline why in my opinion
as to
Change preposition
apply
show examples
why
Rephrase
apply
show examples
I believe the drawbacks of
this
change outweigh the benefits. The main disadvantage of
this
development is reducing
entertain
Replace the word
entertainment
show examples
spaces.
For example
, if citizens want to do some outdoor activities, they could not be able to find a place easily, or even they could be forced to take a long
wat
Correct your spelling
wait
show examples
to find somewhere. The
less
Change the quantifier
fewer
show examples
parks
exist
Correct pronoun usage
that exist
show examples
, the
less
Change the quantifier
fewer
show examples
options to have
fun
Correct article usage
a fun
show examples
time come as follows.
Additionally
, children are often taken to parks to play with their friends. Another disadvantage of
this
situation is decreasing the number of trees. A high number of trees are grown in these places by governments for some purposes
such
as improving the quality of air. By cutting them and replacing
with
Correct pronoun usage
them with
show examples
farms, air pollution could certainly be a major bottleneck.
Subsequently
,
noy
Correct your spelling
not
only could not it tackle an issue, but it
also
makes
Wrong verb form
made
show examples
the situation worse.
Nevertheless
, there are some advantages to
this
trend,
on
Correct your spelling
one
show examples
of which is having more organic
food
. By making some farmlands in cities and encouraging locals to grow their
food
, more healthy herbs could possibly be provided for them.
This
could result in
decreasing
Replace the word
a decrease in
show examples
the rate of diseases
such
as cardiovascular disorders.
Counsequently
Correct your spelling
Consequently
, via giving related know-how to people, they could observe all steps of their
food
sources. In conclusion, to reiterate, I completely agree that the demerits of replacing farms with green spaces on the surface of
city
Add an article
the city
a city
show examples
which are having a significant decline in fun places, and the population of trees outnumber the possible merit which is access to more nutritious
food
.
Submitted by benyaminzademoradian1378 on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

coherence cohesion
Work on enhancing paragraph transitions to connect your ideas more effectively. This will improve the flow of your essay.
task achievement
Include more specific examples to substantiate your arguments. This can strengthen your task achievement score.
coherence cohesion
The essay has a clear introduction and conclusion, effectively outlining your position on the topic.
task achievement
You have addressed both advantages and disadvantages of the topic, providing a balanced perspective.

Your opinion

Don’t put your opinion unless you are asked to give it.

If the question asks what you think, you MUST give your opinion to get a good score.

Don’t leave your opinion until the conclusion.

Here are examples of instructions that require you to give your opinion:

...do you agree or disagree?...do you think...?...your opinion...?

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

You are not ready for IELTS Speaking, if you

  • Can’t speak smoothly without pauses.
  • Use simple words and lack vocabulary.
  • Feel nervous and anxious when speaking.
Topic Vocabulary:
  • Urban Agriculture
  • Community Engagement
  • Social Interaction
  • Physical Exercise
  • Mental Relaxation
  • Fresh Produce
  • Sustainability
  • Biodiversity
  • Carbon Footprint
  • Air Quality
  • Educational Opportunities
  • Horticulture
  • Teamwork
  • Sustainable Living
  • Food Security
  • Locally-grown
  • Nutritious
  • Neighborhood Bonds
  • Urban Sustainability
What to do next:
Look at other essays:

Essentional vocabulary list for IELTS Writing 7+

Learn how to write high-scoring essays with powerful words.
Download Free PDF and start improving you writing skills today!