IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 2

many woman are getting more addicted to cosmetic surgery these days,why is this? whart sort of solutions you would recommend to reduce this phenomenon?

#woman #surgery #whart #sort #phenomenon
✨ Do you want to improve your IELTS writing?
The majority of
women
Use synonyms
 are becoming dependent on cosmetic
surgery
Use synonyms
 nowadays. The
continues
Replace the word
continued
show examples
 pressure to look beautiful has pushed many
women
Use synonyms
 towards unnecessary and costly procedures. It is very common for individuals to change or improve their physical appearance. Factors that can lead
women
Use synonyms
 to adopt cosmetic
surgery
Use synonyms
such
Linking Words
 as beauty standards, lack of self-esteem, and
of
Change preposition
apply
show examples
social media play the main role
to normalize
Change preposition
in normalizing
show examples
unrealistic physical appearance.
For reducing
Change preposition
To reduce
show examples
 the number of
women
Use synonyms
 who
eager
Add a missing verb
are eager
show examples
 to do cosmetic
surgery
Use synonyms
, we can Encourage
women
Use synonyms
 to accept their appearance as they are. Raising awareness about the potential risks, and long-term effects of cosmetic
surgery
Use synonyms
 can help
women
Use synonyms
 make more informed decisions about their health. In conclusion,
women
Use synonyms
's addiction to cosmetic surgeries can be controlled By tackling the cause of the problem rather than focusing on reducing the addiction to cosmetic
surgery
Use synonyms
. Correct it and count the words
Submitted by t.jenab on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

task achievement
Consider developing your arguments more fully. For example, you can expand on why beauty standards push women towards cosmetic surgery.
task achievement
Include more specific examples or statistics to illustrate your points, such as mentioning specific influences from social media or societal pressures.
task achievement
Your introduction clearly states the issue and its causes, providing a strong start to your essay.
coherence and cohesion
You have effectively outlined your main points, such as societal pressure and low self-esteem, and provided a cohesive discussion.
coherence and cohesion
The essay follows a logical structure with a clear introduction, body, and conclusion, which helps in delivering your argument smoothly.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • Cosmetic Surgery
  • Addiction
  • Celebrity Culture
  • Unrealistic Beauty Standards
  • Self-esteem
  • Body Image
  • Technological Advancements
  • Societal Pressure
  • Cultural Norms
  • Educational Programs
  • Body Positivity
  • Industry Regulation
  • Promoting Natural Beauty
  • Supportive Counseling
  • Mental Health Resources
What to do next:
Look at other essays: