IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5

With the improvements in today's health care, society has to care for more and more elderly people. Do you feel that society will be able to cope with the increase in numbers of elderly people today and how can it be managed? Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience.

#improvements #health #care #society #people #numbers
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Nowadays, society is responsible
to take
Change preposition
for taking
show examples
care
Use synonyms
 of old individuals
due to
Linking Words
 the developments in
Use synonyms
health
Add an article
the health
a health
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 system. In my opinion, the problem of
rise
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the rise
show examples
 in
number
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a number
the number
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 of old people could be solved
by
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in
show examples
 several ways
such
Linking Words
 as establishing specific
Use synonyms
health
Correct your spelling
healthcare
show examples
care
Use synonyms
organization
Fix the agreement mistake
organizations
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 for them and considering nurses and doctors to visit them at home. One of the ways to address
this
Linking Words
 issue is
estabilishing
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establishing
 new hospitals and
health
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care
Use synonyms
centers
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centres
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 in order to service elderly people
Linking Words
this
Correct pronoun usage
which
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 leads them to have faster
sevices
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services
. One of the contributory factors to increasing their
overall
Linking Words
 well-being is fast and feasible access to
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
health
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 facilities.
Additionally
Linking Words
,
Linking Words
this
Correct determiner usage
these
show examples
Use synonyms
health
Correct your spelling
healthcare
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care
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centers
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centres
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 can take
care
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 of those who are not able to deal with their basic needs and need someone to take
care
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 of them.
For example
Linking Words
, there are some
centers
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centres
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, which provide facilities and
health
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 services for those elderly who are not able to
care
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themself
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for themself
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. Another way to tackle
this
Linking Words
 problem is to allocate doctors and nurses in order to visit the seniors at their own
home
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homes
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.
This
Linking Words
cooperate
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cooperates
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them
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with them
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 to
monitore
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monitor
 their
health
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 situation without waiting in lines for considerable hours.
For instance
Linking Words
, in some
countries
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countries,
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 there are some
organization
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organizations
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, which send nurses and doctors to old people's homes for
checkup
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checkups
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 regularly. In
conclustion
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conclusion
, there are considerable advancements in
health
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 systems and citizens are responsible
to
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for caring
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care
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 the senior citizens. In order to address the issue of
rise
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the rise
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 in
old
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the old
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populatipn
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population
populations
, some
organization
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organizations
show examples
 should be constructed to facilitate their access and more medical staff should be considered.
Submitted by rezaei.rezvan94 on

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task achievement
Work on providing more specific examples to support your arguments. This will strengthen your task achievement score.
coherence cohesion
Use clear and varied linking words to enhance the logical flow between sentences and paragraphs.
task achievement
Consider explaining the impacts of your solutions more thoroughly to enhance the completeness of your response.
coherence cohesion
You presented a clear introduction and conclusion that guide the reader effectively.
task achievement
Your essay addresses the question and provides suggestions for managing the rising number of elderly people.
coherence cohesion
Each paragraph centers around a main idea and presents related sub-points.
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