IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 6.5

Some people believe that climate has the greatest effect on people's way of life. Other believe that the economy of the region has the greatest effect. Discuss both view and give your opinion.

#people #climate #effect #life #economy #region
It is thought that
climate
 has the most impact on
people
's lifestyles
while
 others argue that the
economy
 is.
While
 recently many
people
 have been heavily impacted by
climate
 occurrences, I believe that the
economy
 has the greatest effect because it shapes how
people
 experience
climate
 impacts.
Climate
 effects, mainly
climate
change
, have been regarded as humankind's recent greatest problem. With the earth getting warmer time after time, the impacts are felt by the whole planet through a myriad of ways,
such
 as extreme weather events, droughts, and floods that happen across the globe.
As a result
, many
people
 have to adapt to the stressful conditions they must face
due to
 the occurrences.
For example
, Pakistan experienced massive floods in 2022 that displaced an estimated 8-9 million
people
due to
 extreme rains, making it the world's largest disaster displacement in the
last
 decade.
However
, I think that the
economy
 plays a bigger role in
people
's way of life because it dictates how
people
 are dealing with
climate
 effects. Financial capacity plays a pivotal role in shaping how
countries
 and their citizens live their lives, including dealing with
climate
change
. Developed
countries
 adapt better to
climate
change
whereas
 developing
countries
 have to deal with
climate
change
 with greater efforts.
Due to
 their financial capacity,
while
 poor
countries
 are struggling to protect their
countries
, rich
countries
 could implement various adaptation projects to protect their
people
.
Moreover
, high-income
countries
 could
also
 provide their citizens with better basic services,
such
 as basic infrastructure and healthcare services that improve
people
's response to
climate
change
.
For instance
,
according to
 the IPCC reports, high-income
countries
 are considered to have better adaptive capacity compared with their poorer counterparts.
To conclude
,
while
climate
change
 greatly affects
people
's lives, I believe the
economy
 has greater effects because it shapes how
people
 experience
climate
change
.
Submitted by aribawadzaki on

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task achievement
Provide more specific examples or case studies to enhance your position on the economy's impact on lifestyle. This could strengthen your argument further.
coherence cohesion
Include transitional phrases or sentences when moving between different ideas or examples to make the essay flow more seamlessly.
task achievement
Ensure each paragraph links clearly to the main question. Repeatedly ask yourself if your claims directly address whether the climate or economy impacts lifestyle more.
task achievement
The essay effectively discusses both sides of the argument, a key requirement for a higher Task Achievement score.
coherence cohesion
The introduction clearly sets up the topic and states your position, which strengthens the overall Coherence and Cohesion of the essay.
task achievement
Good use of relevant examples, such as the Pakistan floods and IPCC report, supports your claims well.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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