IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6.5

In many cities, many people do not know their neighbours and lack a sense of community. What are the causes? How to solve this problem? (2012.06.16) (9/24/2016) (2018/7/19)

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As
time
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 passes, many
people
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 who live in cities start to feel detached from their neighbours and
community
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. I will illustrate the causes and solutions for
this
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 situation in
this
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 essay. The main factor is the individualist
mindset
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 has been building up in
people
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’s minds. With the rapid development of society,
people
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 are getting more and more busy than before, especially in the young generation.
For example
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, after finishing the whole day’s stressful work, they don't have the
time
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 or energy to socialise with their
community
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.
Hence
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,
people
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 tend to spend most of their spare
time
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 focusing on themselves rather than the
community
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.
People
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 are losing interest in socialising with
people
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 in their
community
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. The ignorance of
people
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 in the same
community
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 leads to the reduction of communication. When the
time
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people
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 treat each other like strangers, there is no chance for them to find out their common interests to keep the friendship with each other. To fix the problem internally, changing the
mindset
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 of observing the
community
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 is beneficial for every
community
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 member. By being close to
community
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 members,
people
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 would feel a greater sense of security, inclusion and conviction, enabling them to release themselves when the
time
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 they feel passive. At the same
time
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, encourage organise more
community
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 events and participate. By participating in
community
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 events or celebrating the holiday together,
people
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 get a great chance to get to know each other better, which lays the foundation for friendship and promotes the possibility of interaction between
people
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. Take Halloween as an example, trick-or-treating with the kids or decorating the house with the neighbours on Halloween.
To sum up
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, the main reasons that cause
this
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 detachment are an individualist
mindset
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 and losing interest in socialising with
people
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 in the
community
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.
However
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, there are various ways to solve them and encourage
people
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 to change their
mindset
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 by observing the benefits led by the
community
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 and encouraging active participation in
community
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 activities.

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task achievement
Define and articulate ideas on the general benefit of community engagement more clearly.
coherence cohesion
Ensure a smooth progression of ideas to enhance logical structure.
task achievement
The essay clearly identifies causes of the issue, such as the individualist mindset and lack of interest in community involvement.
task achievement
The essay provides relevant examples, such as the Halloween example, which supports the main points effectively.
coherence cohesion
There is a strong introduction and conclusion which frame the essay well.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • Urbanization
  • Population movement
  • Diverse communities
  • Busy lifestyles
  • Long working hours
  • Digital communities
  • Personal security concerns
  • Architectural designs
  • City planning
  • Natural meet and interact
What to do next:
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