IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 2.5

Some people believe that advancements in technology are making people less social. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this statement?

#people #advancements #technology
In
this
 modern era,
technology
play
Change the verb form
plays
show examples
 a vital role in every sector. Some folks
belief
Replace the word
believe
show examples
 that nowadays
people
making
Verb problem
have
show examples
 less social interaction
compare
Wrong verb form
compared
show examples
 to previous years
due to
technology
while
 other
people
rejecting
Wrong verb form
reject
show examples
this
 notion.
This
 essay is going to see
beneficial
Correct article usage
the beneficial
show examples
 and adverse aspects of
this
Correct determiner usage
these
show examples
 trends and
thus
 lead to a logical conclusion. First of all,
people
are
Verb problem
have
show examples
became
Wrong verb form
become
show examples
 more
socialise
Wrong verb form
socialised
show examples
due to
technology
.
For instance
,
people
 who like
traveller
Replace the word
travel
show examples
 can join in the channel through social media, interact with different culture
people
 and explore the world.
On the other hand
, adults and children are more
addict
Wrong verb form
addicted
show examples
 to movies and games, they dislike to spend outdoor activities,
as a result
 lack of socialism.
According to
 a recent survey
conduct
Wrong verb form
conducted
show examples
 by BBC Channer in 2023, they found more than 65% of adults are disliking to interact with other
people
 which
lead
Correct subject-verb agreement
leads
show examples
 them
into
Change preposition
to
show examples
 depression and anxiety. Because of
advance
Fix the agreement mistake
advances
show examples
 in
technology
, we can make video or audio
call
Fix the agreement mistake
calls
show examples
 whenever we want from anywhere,
it
Correct pronoun usage
which
show examples
 reduce
real time
Add a hyphen
real-time
show examples
 social interaction.
Hence
, it's apparent why many
people
 are against
this
 thread.
Submitted by dhivyaravi0396 on

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task achievement
Clarify and expand the ideas in your introduction by explaining why people might take opposing views on the role of technology in social interactions.
coherence cohesion
Consider adding a well-rounded conclusion that restates your position or summarizes the main arguments, enhancing overall cohesion.
task achievement
Include more specific examples and experiences to strengthen your arguments and task response.
coherence cohesion
Make sure each paragraph has a clear main idea and logical order of sentences to aid in coherence and cohesion.
task achievement
You have presented two sides of the argument, showing an ability to consider different perspectives.
coherence cohesion
The essay has a clear introduction, making it easy to understand your approach to the topic.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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