IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6.5

Some people think that museums should be enjoyable places to entertain people, while others believe that the purpose of museums is to educate. Discuss both views and give you own opinion.

#people #museums #places #purpose
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It is argued
Verb problem
Argued
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by
Change preposition
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some groups of
people
 that
museums
 should be
a
Correct article usage
apply
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dedicated
place
Fix the agreement mistake
places
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 for educating
people
while
 others think that they should be
a
Correct article usage
apply
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place
Fix the agreement mistake
places
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 for entertainment purposes.
Although
 entertaining
museums
 may attract more spectators, I believe that knowledge should be provided through the preservation of artefacts for future generations. On the one hand,
museums
 provide pleasurable experiences to visitors attracting a greater number of
people
 to
museums
.
This
 is because they allow
people
 to indulge in games, interactive activities, and creative exhibitions.
For example
, some Indian
museums
 especially conduct family nights by conducting quizzes and performances that increase the number of visitors ranging from young children to older members of families.
However
, I argue that
education
 should be the main purpose of
museums
.
On the other hand
, providing
education
 by preserving cultural heritage and artefacts for coming generations should be the motive of
museums
.
That is
 to say that
museums
 should be meant to educate
people
 so that rich cultural knowledge may be passed on to
people
 for ages.
In addition
, it enriches the learning of the present generation.
For instance
, the British Museum possesses millions of old artefacts to date, spreading knowledge as their main purpose to a wider group of
people
 from all over the world.
Therefore
, I believe that
museums
 should serve the objective of spreading
education
. In conclusion,
while
 enjoyable activities can attract more visitors to
museums
, I think that
education
 should be the main purpose so that rich heritage remains preserved for future generations.
Submitted by sakshisyal on

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task achievement
The essay presents a balanced view and provides a complete response to the task by addressing both sides of the argument. This demonstrates a good understanding of the topic.
task achievement
The ideas are clearly presented and comprehensive. You might consider exploring counterarguments in more detail to deepen the discussion and analysis.
coherence cohesion
Your essay logically progresses through a well-organized structure. To improve further, you could explore the transitions between ideas to ensure they flow even more smoothly.
coherence cohesion
The introduction and conclusion are effectively structured, setting the context and summarizing the viewpoint. A brief summary of key points in the conclusion could help reinforce your argument.
task achievement
The essay provides relevant and specific examples, such as the Indian museums conducting family nights and the British Museum's collection, which strengthen your argument.
coherence cohesion
A clear structure is maintained throughout the essay, with each paragraph focusing on a specific point discussed in a logical sequence.
coherence cohesion
The introduction clearly states the main argument, and the conclusion effectively summarizes your opinion and reinforces the main points discussed.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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