"Prevention is better than cure". Researching and treating diseases is too costly so it would be better to invest in preventative measures. To what extent do you agree
It is often argued that examining and curing illnesses is extremely expensive;
thus
, it would be better to put money into inhibitory courses of action. Linking Words
This
essay completely agrees with Linking Words
this
view, because it makes Linking Words
population
experience a smaller number of diseases and reduces healthcare costs for them.
Correct article usage
the population
Firstly
, funding procedures that prevent health issues could help Linking Words
people
avoid going through hard times with their ailments. Taking Use synonyms
an
action before any type of disease spreads out can help mitigate its negative consequences; Correct article usage
apply
as a result
, leading to a reduced time of exposure to these harmful ramifications. Linking Words
For example
, in 2020, there was a contagious and lethal virus called Covid-19. When vaccination came out, many Linking Words
people
took it; Use synonyms
consequently
, they circumvented potential threats.
The second reason why preventative care should be prioritised is lowered healthcare Linking Words
price
in the long run. Minimising the need for expensive treatments and hospitalisations leads to a healthier population and more efficient use of resources. Fix the agreement mistake
prices
For instance
, impeded maladies would not only positively impact moderately or excessively rich residents but Linking Words
also
poor Linking Words
people
who have Use synonyms
difficult
Correct article usage
a difficult
times
sustaining themselves with their monthly wage; so it would be easier Fix the agreement mistake
time
on
them not to have Change preposition
for
externally
and unnecessarily added obstacles with health issues.
In conclusion, I strongly believe that more investment should be made in preventative measures to help Change the word
external
people
struggle less from illnesses and provide Use synonyms
overall
well-being; Linking Words
also
, they will assist in lessening the burden Linking Words
for
Change preposition
on
general
population to pay excessive amounts of money for their health.Add an article
the general
Submitted by sesili.kasrashvili7 on
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coherence cohesion
Consider improving the logical flow of ideas between paragraphs. Ensure each paragraph transitions smoothly into the next to maintain coherence.
task achievement
Ensure that each of your main ideas is fully developed with specific examples and details to enhance clarity and support.
task achievement
Double-check your grammar and vocabulary usage to minimize minor errors, even though they don't significantly impact your scoring.
coherence cohesion
Your introduction and conclusion effectively present and summarize the topic and your viewpoint.
task achievement
The essay provides a complete response to the prompt, addressing both the preventative measures and their impacts clearly.
task achievement
Each point you make is backed up with examples, particularly the reference to Covid-19 as a real-world preventive measure.
Your opinion
Don’t put your opinion unless you are asked to give it.
If the question asks what you think, you MUST give your opinion to get a good score.
Don’t leave your opinion until the conclusion.
Here are examples of instructions that require you to give your opinion:
...do you agree or disagree?...do you think...?...your opinion...?