"Prevention is better than cure". Researching and treating diseases is too costly so it would be better to invest in preventative measures. To what extent do you agree
It is often argued that examining and curing illnesses is extremely expensive;
thus
, it would be better to put money into inhibitory courses of action. This
essay completely agrees with this
view, because it makes population
experience a smaller number of diseases and reduces healthcare costs for them.
Correct article usage
the population
Firstly
, funding procedures that prevent health issues could help people
avoid going through hard times with their ailments. Taking an
action before any type of disease spreads out can help mitigate its negative consequences; Correct article usage
apply
as a result
, leading to a reduced time of exposure to these harmful ramifications. For example
, in 2020, there was a contagious and lethal virus called Covid-19. When vaccination came out, many people
took it; consequently
, they circumvented potential threats.
The second reason why preventative care should be prioritised is lowered healthcare price
in the long run. Minimising the need for expensive treatments and hospitalisations leads to a healthier population and more efficient use of resources. Fix the agreement mistake
prices
For instance
, impeded maladies would not only positively impact moderately or excessively rich residents but also
poor people
who have difficult
Correct article usage
a difficult
times
sustaining themselves with their monthly wage; so it would be easier Fix the agreement mistake
time
on
them not to have Change preposition
for
externally
and unnecessarily added obstacles with health issues.
In conclusion, I strongly believe that more investment should be made in preventative measures to help Change the word
external
people
struggle less from illnesses and provide overall
well-being; also
, they will assist in lessening the burden for
Change preposition
on
general
population to pay excessive amounts of money for their health.Add an article
the general
Submitted by sesili.kasrashvili7 on
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coherence cohesion
Consider improving the logical flow of ideas between paragraphs. Ensure each paragraph transitions smoothly into the next to maintain coherence.
task achievement
Ensure that each of your main ideas is fully developed with specific examples and details to enhance clarity and support.
task achievement
Double-check your grammar and vocabulary usage to minimize minor errors, even though they don't significantly impact your scoring.
coherence cohesion
Your introduction and conclusion effectively present and summarize the topic and your viewpoint.
task achievement
The essay provides a complete response to the prompt, addressing both the preventative measures and their impacts clearly.
task achievement
Each point you make is backed up with examples, particularly the reference to Covid-19 as a real-world preventive measure.
Your opinion
Don’t put your opinion unless you are asked to give it.
If the question asks what you think, you MUST give your opinion to get a good score.
Don’t leave your opinion until the conclusion.
Here are examples of instructions that require you to give your opinion:
...do you agree or disagree?...do you think...?...your opinion...?
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