IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5

Music play an important role in society, others think it is simply a form of entertainment for individuals. Discuss both views and give your opinion.

#music #role #society #form #entertainment #individuals
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There are two main different opinions regarding
music
. Some
people
 think
music
 has a significant impact on
society
while
 others believe it is just one of the entertainment activities for individuals. I will examine both views in
this
 essay. On
one
Correct article usage
the one
show examples
 hand, I have
accept
Change the verb form
accepted
show examples
 that
music
have
Change the verb form
has
show examples
 always
excisted
Correct your spelling
existed
excited
 since our
an
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
anchestors
had
Unnecessary verb
apply
show examples
started
to
Change preposition
apply
show examples
using vehicles. There
are
Correct subject-verb agreement
is
show examples
myraid
Correct your spelling
myriad
 of evidence
on
Change preposition
in
show examples
 museums which illustrates
human
Fix the agreement mistake
humans
show examples
 have tried to make
music
 with things from nature
such
 as a
banch
Correct your spelling
branch
bunch
bench
 of a tree. The more
society
 developed the more
music
 improved too. As
people
 can find any
music
 from different sources
people
from
Change preposition
of
show examples
 every age enjoy
with
Change preposition
apply
show examples
music
in
Change preposition
apply
show examples
our age.
Moreover
,
music
Add an article
the music
show examples
 reflects human emotions and plays an important role
on
Change preposition
in
show examples
 sharing these emotions among
community
Add an article
the community
show examples
. I agree with
this
 opinion. Because I do
belive
Correct your spelling
believe
show examples
 listening
music
, singing, playing an instrument are best ways to show our
taughts
Correct your spelling
thoughts
.
Furthermore
Add a comma
Furthermore,
show examples
 in
this
 way,
music
atteches
Correct your spelling
attaches
people
 from worldwide.
Therefore
, I can totally say
music
 is
a
Change the article
apply
show examples
paramount for our
society
.
On the other hand
, as I wrote,
music
Add the auxiliary verb
music has
show examples
 always been
Correct article usage
a human's
show examples
human's
Change noun form
human
show examples
 life
consequently
 it may
doesn't
Verb problem
not have
show examples
meant
Change the form of the verb
mean
show examples
 a lot
for
Change preposition
to
show examples
people
. Because everyone
are
Change the verb form
is
show examples
 used to listening
music
Change preposition
to music
show examples
hence
 many
people
 think listening
music
Change preposition
to music
show examples
 is just a leisure activity like cycling or walking.
As
Change preposition
To
show examples
 their belief,
music
 is not as important as other things
for
Change preposition
in
show examples
world
Add an article
the world
show examples
. I don't agree with
this
 view as I have always been a
music
 lover and I see in my life how
music
 affects everyone.
For instance
, when a single
become
Correct subject-verb agreement
becomes
show examples
 viral on social media,
people
 dance
with
Change preposition
to
show examples
 the
music
 from Asia, Europe etc. In conclusion,
although
 there are different
taughts
Correct your spelling
thoughts
 about
music
Correct word choice
whether music
show examples
 is either
a
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
paramount for
society
 or it is an ordinary activity for individuals I can't underestimate
music
's role in our
society
. In my opinion,
music
 is one of the most crucial
thing
Change to a plural noun
things
show examples
 that affects our life.
Submitted by aslikaratepe00 on

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Coherence and Cohesion
Work on organizing your essay's structure more logically. Ensure each paragraph has a clear main idea and flows logically to the next. This will improve overall coherence.
Coherence and Cohesion
Avoid repeating phrases unnecessarily (e.g., 'as I wrote'). It can detract from the clarity of your points.
Task Response
Provide examples that are more specific and detailed to support your points more effectively.
Grammar and Vocabulary
Check for grammatical errors and review the use of articles. This will enhance the clarity and grammatical range of your essay.
Coherence and Cohesion
You have a clear introduction and conclusion which frame your essay well, showing a good understanding of structure in writing.
Task Achievement
You've acknowledged different perspectives on the given topic, demonstrating a balanced understanding of the issue.
Task Achievement
You have shown enthusiasm and personal engagement with the topic, which adds depth to your essay and shows personal connection.
Topic Vocabulary:
  • cultural tool
  • shared identity
  • cognitive development
  • creativity
  • mental health
  • music therapy
  • chronic pain
  • entertainment value
  • personal escape
  • cultural background
What to do next:
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