Music play an important role in society, others think it is simply a form of entertainment for individuals. Discuss both views and give your opinion.

#music #role #society #form #entertainment #individuals

There are two main different opinions regarding

music

. Some

people

think

music

has a significant impact on

society

while

others believe it is just one of the entertainment activities for individuals. I will examine both views in

this

essay. On

one

Correct article usage

the one

show examples

hand, I have

Change the verb form

accepted

show examples

that

music

have

Change the verb form

has

show examples

always

excisted

Correct your spelling

existed

excited

since our

Correct article usage

apply

show examples

anchestors

had

Unnecessary verb

apply

show examples

started

Change preposition

apply

show examples

using vehicles. There

are

Correct subject-verb agreement

show examples

myraid

Correct your spelling

myriad

of evidence

Change preposition

show examples

museums which illustrates

human

Fix the agreement mistake

humans

show examples

have tried to make

music

with things from nature

such

as a

banch

Correct your spelling

branch

bunch

bench

of a tree. The more

society

developed the more

music

improved too. As

people

can find any

music

from different sources

people

from

Change preposition

show examples

every age enjoy

with

Change preposition

apply

show examples

music

Change preposition

apply

show examples

our age.

Moreover

music

Add an article

the music

show examples

reflects human emotions and plays an important role

Change preposition

show examples

sharing these emotions among

community

Add an article

the community

show examples

. I agree with

this

opinion. Because I do

belive

Correct your spelling

believe

show examples

listening

music

, singing, playing an instrument are best ways to show our

taughts

Correct your spelling

thoughts

Furthermore

Add a comma

Furthermore,

show examples

this

way,

music

atteches

Correct your spelling

attaches

people

from worldwide.

Therefore

, I can totally say

music

Change the article

apply

show examples

paramount for our

society

On the other hand

, as I wrote,

music

Add the auxiliary verb

music has

show examples

always been

Correct article usage

a human's

show examples

human's

Change noun form

human

show examples

life

consequently

it may

doesn't

Verb problem

not have

show examples

meant

Change the form of the verb

mean

show examples

a lot

for

Change preposition

show examples

people

. Because everyone

are

Change the verb form

show examples

used to listening

music

Change preposition

to music

show examples

hence

many

people

think listening

music

Change preposition

to music

show examples

is just a leisure activity like cycling or walking.

Change preposition

show examples

their belief,

music

is not as important as other things

for

Change preposition

show examples

world

Add an article

the world

show examples

. I don't agree with

this

view as I have always been a

music

lover and I see in my life how

music

affects everyone.

For instance

, when a single

become

Correct subject-verb agreement

becomes

show examples

viral on social media,

people

dance

with

Change preposition

show examples

the

music

from Asia, Europe etc. In conclusion,

although

there are different

taughts

Correct your spelling

thoughts

about

music

Correct word choice

whether music

show examples

is either

Correct article usage

apply

show examples

paramount for

society

or it is an ordinary activity for individuals I can't underestimate

music

's role in our

society

. In my opinion,

music

is one of the most crucial

thing

Change to a plural noun

things

show examples

that affects our life.

Submitted by aslikaratepe00 on Sun Nov 03 2024

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Coherence and Cohesion

Work on organizing your essay's structure more logically. Ensure each paragraph has a clear main idea and flows logically to the next. This will improve overall coherence.

Coherence and Cohesion

Avoid repeating phrases unnecessarily (e.g., 'as I wrote'). It can detract from the clarity of your points.

Task Response

Provide examples that are more specific and detailed to support your points more effectively.

Grammar and Vocabulary

Check for grammatical errors and review the use of articles. This will enhance the clarity and grammatical range of your essay.

Coherence and Cohesion

You have a clear introduction and conclusion which frame your essay well, showing a good understanding of structure in writing.

Task Achievement

You've acknowledged different perspectives on the given topic, demonstrating a balanced understanding of the issue.

Task Achievement

You have shown enthusiasm and personal engagement with the topic, which adds depth to your essay and shows personal connection.

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11Linking words
meeting the goal of 7 or more
3Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
41Grammar mistakes
 

4 paragraphs

317 words

0123456789.0505

Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 6.0

Logical structure

Introduction & conclusion present

Supported main points

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 4.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 4.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 6.0

Complete response

Clear & comprehensive ideas

Relevant & specific examples

Appropriate word count

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Topic Vocabulary:

cultural tool
shared identity
cognitive development
creativity
mental health
music therapy
chronic pain
entertainment value
personal escape
cultural background

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Music play an important role in society, others think it is simply a form of entertainment for individuals. Discuss both views and give your opinion.

A child how he grows up depends on how they were brought up by their parents. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

Computer games are becoming very popular among children of all ages and nationalities. Parents say they are concerned because these games have little educational value and many harmful effects. Do you agree or disagree?

Some university students want to learn about other subjects in addition to their main subjects. Others believe it is more important to give all their time and attention to studying for a qualification.

In the past important knowledge and history were stored in the museum. Nowadays information is freely available on the Internet therefore is no longer a need for museums. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

Some people think that success is the best way to measure intelligence. Others believe that it can be measured through other useful parameters. Do you agree or disagree?