IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5

Music play an important role in society, others think it is simply a form of entertainment for individuals. Discuss both views and give your opinion.

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There are two main different opinions regarding
music
Use synonyms
. Some
people
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 think
music
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 has a significant impact on
society
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while
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 others believe it is just one of the entertainment activities for individuals. I will examine both views in
this
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 essay. On
one
Correct article usage
the one
show examples
 hand, I have
accept
Change the verb form
accepted
show examples
 that
music
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have
Change the verb form
has
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 always
excisted
Correct your spelling
existed
excited
 since our
an
Correct article usage
apply
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anchestors
had
Unnecessary verb
apply
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started
to
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apply
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using vehicles. There
are
Correct subject-verb agreement
is
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myraid
Correct your spelling
myriad
 of evidence
on
Change preposition
in
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 museums which illustrates
human
Fix the agreement mistake
humans
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 have tried to make
music
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 with things from nature
such
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 as a
banch
Correct your spelling
branch
bunch
bench
 of a tree. The more
society
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 developed the more
music
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 improved too. As
people
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 can find any
music
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 from different sources
people
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from
Change preposition
of
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 every age enjoy
with
Change preposition
apply
show examples
music
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in
Change preposition
apply
show examples
our age.
Moreover
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,
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music
Add an article
the music
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 reflects human emotions and plays an important role
on
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in
show examples
 sharing these emotions among
community
Add an article
the community
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. I agree with
this
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 opinion. Because I do
belive
Correct your spelling
believe
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 listening
music
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, singing, playing an instrument are best ways to show our
taughts
Correct your spelling
thoughts
.
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Furthermore
Add a comma
Furthermore,
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 in
this
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 way,
music
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atteches
Correct your spelling
attaches
people
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 from worldwide.
Therefore
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, I can totally say
music
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 is
a
Change the article
apply
show examples
paramount for our
society
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.
On the other hand
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, as I wrote,
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music
Add the auxiliary verb
music has
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 always been
Correct article usage
a human's
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human's
Change noun form
human
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 life
consequently
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 it may
doesn't
Verb problem
not have
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meant
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mean
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 a lot
for
Change preposition
to
show examples
people
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. Because everyone
are
Change the verb form
is
show examples
 used to listening
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music
Change preposition
to music
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hence
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 many
people
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 think listening
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music
Change preposition
to music
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 is just a leisure activity like cycling or walking.
As
Change preposition
To
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 their belief,
music
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 is not as important as other things
for
Change preposition
in
show examples
world
Add an article
the world
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. I don't agree with
this
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 view as I have always been a
music
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 lover and I see in my life how
music
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 affects everyone.
For instance
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, when a single
become
Correct subject-verb agreement
becomes
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 viral on social media,
people
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 dance
with
Change preposition
to
show examples
 the
music
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 from Asia, Europe etc. In conclusion,
although
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 there are different
taughts
Correct your spelling
thoughts
 about
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music
Correct word choice
whether music
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 is either
a
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
paramount for
society
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 or it is an ordinary activity for individuals I can't underestimate
music
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's role in our
society
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. In my opinion,
music
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 is one of the most crucial
thing
Change to a plural noun
things
show examples
 that affects our life.

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Coherence and Cohesion
Work on organizing your essay's structure more logically. Ensure each paragraph has a clear main idea and flows logically to the next. This will improve overall coherence.
Coherence and Cohesion
Avoid repeating phrases unnecessarily (e.g., 'as I wrote'). It can detract from the clarity of your points.
Task Response
Provide examples that are more specific and detailed to support your points more effectively.
Grammar and Vocabulary
Check for grammatical errors and review the use of articles. This will enhance the clarity and grammatical range of your essay.
Coherence and Cohesion
You have a clear introduction and conclusion which frame your essay well, showing a good understanding of structure in writing.
Task Achievement
You've acknowledged different perspectives on the given topic, demonstrating a balanced understanding of the issue.
Task Achievement
You have shown enthusiasm and personal engagement with the topic, which adds depth to your essay and shows personal connection.
Topic Vocabulary:
  • cultural tool
  • shared identity
  • cognitive development
  • creativity
  • mental health
  • music therapy
  • chronic pain
  • entertainment value
  • personal escape
  • cultural background
What to do next:
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