Some people say zoos are cruelty to wild animals,while others think they can only be protected there.To what extent do you agree?

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The number of
zoos
has been significantly increasing so that, they are now commonly available all around the world.There is an inconclusive debate as to whether
zoos
have mistreated wildlife or they have provided good protection.From my perspective,I strongly think
zoos
have many benefits and those wild creatures have been pampered well in there for many reasons.
To begin
with,some people may argue that
zoos
treat those animals improperly causing them to suffer from hunger and keeping them in limited spaces which is not their natural behaviour.Those creatures are supposed to live freely in the forest not to be restrained.
In contrast
,from my experience,In order to attract many tourists,many
zoos
have treated those animals well.They are provided with good food and good hygiene.
Furthermore
,it can be said that many
species
of animal might have become extinct now
due to
human industrialization.Many factories and built-up areas have invaded the green spaces causing many wildlife to lose their habitats.Some people think that we have an ethical responsibility to preserve those
species
.
Thus
,many
zoos
have been constructed to keep those
species
alive.
For instance
,Rhinoceros are rarely seen in the forest and on the verge of extinction.
However
,those are well-preserved at
zoos
and we are hoping that they can reproduce.
Additionally
,Because of many rare animal
species
make
zoos
to be a tourist attraction.
For example
,In my country,a young hippopotamus named Moodeng is surprisingly very famous and generates a lot of income for Thai
zoos
. In conclusion,nowadays
zoos
are crucial for preserving endangered
species
and wildlife tourism can be a sustainable source of income for many countries.In order to attract tourists those animals have been treated well.
Submitted by chawanat.pla on

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coherence cohesion
Improve the flow between paragraphs by using more cohesive devices and linking words.
task achievement
Elaborate on examples to provide deeper insights into the arguments discussed.
task achievement
Include a counterargument in the conclusion to enhance the argument coverage.
task achievement
Clear stance on zoos being beneficial, which is maintained throughout the essay.
coherence cohesion
Well-defined introduction and conclusion that frame the essay succinctly.
task achievement
Good use of real-world examples like the rhinoceros and Moodeng to support arguments.

Fully explain your ideas

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For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • captivity
  • conservation
  • endangered species
  • natural habitat
  • poaching
  • education and awareness
  • physical and psychological stress
  • inhumane conditions
  • research hubs
  • sanctuaries
  • protected reserves
  • animal rights activists
  • enrichment activities
  • ethical treatment
  • habitat loss
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