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Band 6

The population of most cities is growing as people move to cities to find work and new opportunities. What problems does overpopulation in cities cause? How can these problems be solved?

#population #cities #people #move #work #opportunities #overpopulation
Nowadays, every person wants to maintain a good lifestyle. So migration towards cities is increasing rapidly, in order to have better
opportunities
. In
this
 way, urban areas are becoming crowded with the passage of time. The inclined rate of population among cities gives rise to many problems. Most alarming among them is the accommodation. There are not many houses available, which raises the need
of constructing
Change preposition
to construct
show examples
 more buildings and apartments.
This
 not only makes the area blocked but
also
 increases pollution, as lands for parks and gardens are being utilized for mentioned purposes.
Furthermore
, job
opportunities
 are
also
 getting limited.
For instance
, many candidates apply for a particular job role, and most of them remain unemployed. The same is the case with education. Most of the students don’t get admission in their desired field, as there are many applicants for a certain amount of seats.
On the other hand
, the farming of crops
is
Verb problem
has
show examples
also
 suffered
due to
 a shortage of workers in rural areas, which is
also
 causing a shortage of food.
However
, every problem comes with a solution. Educational Institutes should be made among the villages so that they can acquire higher studies there.
Moreover
, businesses should be promoted, to facilitate the villagers with better career
opportunities
. The government should raise funds for
such
 areas where there are fewer facilities. Farmers should
also
 be provided extra wages and free-of-cost pesticides, to enhance their motivation.
This
 will
also
decline
Verb problem
reduce
show examples
 the shortage of food. In my opinion, moving towards corporate cities for a better future is not a good option. Rather
opportunities
 should be provided in every part of the country, to balance the scenario.
Submitted by ned.khizar on

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task achievement
The essay would benefit from more specific examples and data to support your claims, especially regarding urban employment and educational opportunities.
task achievement
Ensure that the solutions provided directly address the problems stated, enhancing the task achievement score.
coherence cohesion
Some sentences lack clarity, which can be improved by breaking complex ideas into simpler sentences.
coherence cohesion
The introduction clearly states the issue of overpopulation in cities and sets up the discussion effectively.
coherence cohesion
You have logically organized problems and solutions into separate paragraphs, making the essay easy to follow.
task achievement
The conclusion effectively summarizes your viewpoint, providing a clear opinion on the matter.

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

  • for example
  • for instance
  • to illustrate this
  • to give a clear example
  • such as
  • namely
  • to illustrate
  • take, for example

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Essentional vocabulary list for IELTS Writing 7+

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • overpopulation
  • urbanization
  • strain on resources
  • property prices
  • traffic congestion
  • public services
  • healthcare
  • education
  • sanitation
  • unemployment rates
  • competition
  • green spaces
  • recreational areas
  • infrastructure
  • quality of life
  • mental health
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