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Writing Samples
Band 7.5

The internet has changed the way we communicate. Much communication today happens through social media. Some people support this and think it is a positive development. Others believe that social media have negative effects. Discuss both these views and give your own opinion. Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience.

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In our modern day and age, technology has transformed many aspects of our lives including communications. Some members of society believe that online platforms
such
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 as Facebook and Facetime have brought
people
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 together more than ever
whereas
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 others argue these platforms have unfavourable outcomes for society. In
this
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 essay, I will go over both points of view and give my input on the matter. On one hand, it can be clearly seen how advancements in technology have changed our modern lives. Nowadays, every member of society has a mobile phone which they
use
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 for conducting
businesses
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business
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 or calling loved ones. By using social
media
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,
people
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 maintain relationships with their old classmates or relatives who live miles away.
For instance
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, I currently reside in Spain
while
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 most of my family members and friends are in Saudi Arabia and social
media
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 has helped me to stay connected with them despite the distance and the time-zone differences.
On the other hand
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,
while
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 online communication has
people
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 staying in touch from afar, it has created a distortion in real-life communication skills.
As a result
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 of excessive indulgence in virtual life and online conversations, It is common to see youngsters who lack the expected social manners and skills to talk to
people
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 at social events as they did not experience these situations regularly in their lives.
For example
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, In Arabic countries, children were expected to join their parents and grandparents in social events to learn common forms of courtesy and social exchanges which can not be learned through social
media
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.
Furthermore
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, excessive
use
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 of digital devices has affected negatively
people
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's attention span and their ability to focus on tasks. In conclusion,
although
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 social
media
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 has helped millions of
people
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 around the world to stay connected, they need to
use
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 it in moderation to avoid its negative impacts.
Additionally
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, I believe children's
use
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 of online communication should be minimized and monitored by their parents to prevent unfavourable outcomes of early
use
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 of electronic gadgets.

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coherence cohesion
Ensure that each paragraph clearly connects to the thesis statement. Your essay already follows a clear structure but making the connection explicit can enhance clarity.
task achievement
Try to delve deeper into counterarguments or extend the discussion for a fuller task response.
coherence cohesion
The essay opens with a strong introductory paragraph that sets up the discussion effectively.
task achievement
Good examples from personal experience enhance your argument and task achievement.
task achievement
Each point is developed with adequate depth and supported with examples, demonstrating a thorough understanding of the topic.
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