IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6.5

The charts below show local government expenditure in 2010 and 2015.

The charts below show local government expenditure in 2010 and 2015.
The pie charts provide data on community
government
Use synonyms
 spending between 2010 and 2015 .
Overall
Linking Words
, at the beginning of the
period
Add a comma
period,
show examples
 education made up
smallest
Add an article
the smallest
show examples
 part of the chart the
government
Use synonyms
 expenditure,
while
Linking Words
other
Fix the agreement mistake
others
show examples
 made up the biggest part of the chart the administration city.In comparison,
at the end
Linking Words
 of the
period
Add a comma
period,
show examples
 education became the largest
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
local
government
Use synonyms
 expenditure and the lowest contribution was made by transport,culture and leisure and
other
Fix the agreement mistake
others
show examples
. In 2010 , education was 24% ,
then
Linking Words
, it decreased by 21% in 2015 year. Healthcare,which comprised 21% community executive paying out in 2010 decreased slightly to 20% in 2015. In 2010, defence accounted for 17 %,
subsequently
Linking Words
, it experienced a negligible fall to 14 % in 2015 .At the beginning of the period, transport, which comprised 3%
local
Change preposition
of local
show examples
government
Use synonyms
 expenditure in 2010, declined slightly to 1% in 2015 .
Furtheremore
Correct your spelling
Furthermore
, culture and leisure accounted for 2% in 2010,it witnessed a decrease to 1% in 2015. Interest on borrowing levelled
of
Change preposition
at
show examples
 5% in 2010,
then
Linking Words
,it experienced a moderate
a
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
increase two- double in 2015.
However
Linking Words
 ,welfare , which comprised 8%
community
Change preposition
of community
show examples
 authority spending in 2010, experienced a noticeable rise to 13% in 2015.
Correct your spelling
Furthermore
Furtheremore
Correct your spelling
Furthermore
, from 2010 to 2015 ,other
and
Correct word choice
apply
show examples
pensions the
percentagewises
Correct your spelling
percentage wise
percentage-wises
 of remained unchanged 217 words

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site's author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Vocabulary: Replace the words government with synonyms.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "charts" was used 3 times.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "decreased" was used 3 times.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "slightly" was used 2 times.
▼
Vocabulary: Use several vocabularies to present the data in the fifth paragraph.
▼
Topic Vocabulary:
  • expenditure
  • allocation
  • budget
  • fiscal
  • increased/decreased spending
  • percentage
  • funding
  • infrastructure
  • public services
  • education
  • healthcare
  • recreation
  • welfare
  • economic conditions
  • fiscal policy
  • trend
  • analysis
  • comparative
  • significant
  • allocate
  • reallocate
  • subsidize
  • cutbacks
  • deficit
  • surplus
What to do next:
Look at other essays: