IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6.5

Some people think women should be allowed to join the army, the navy and the air-force just like men. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

A few individuals believe that females must be given equal opportunities to serve the nation through the army, the navy and the air force,as it would strengthen the
defense
Change the spelling
defence
show examples
 system and empower
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
women
Use synonyms
.
However
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, I disagree partially as adopting
this
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 approach would negatively affect their family life.
Firstly
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, admitting the members of the female personnel would enhance the efficiency of the nation’s special forces. With more numbers, they would be in a better position to devise and fight off the enemy.
Furthermore
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, adequate training would enhance their tactical knowledge, proving beneficial in catastrophic times.
For instance
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, during the Second World War, many nurses entered the war zone equipped with the skills needed to safeguard their homeland.
This
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 shows that the members of the opposite gender should not be underestimated in crucial times.
Secondly
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, including ladies in the different types of forces would build their self-esteem.Usually,
women
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 are believed to be fulfilling traditional gender roles of cooking, cleaning, and taking care of household chores. Despite being educated, they are not given chances to show their true potential. By serving the nation, they would feel a sense of pride,
thus
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 contributing to their empowerment. Despite the advantages, I partly believe that fully integrating
women
Use synonyms
 into combat roles might harm family dynamics. Extended deployments or remote postings often mean children face prolonged parental absence, leading to emotional insecurity and behavioural issues. Studies show young children are especially vulnerable to these effects when parents are away for months.
Although
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 support systems like childcare and counselling can help, the ongoing strain on family bonds warrants cautious progress toward full equality.
To conclude
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, adding female members can boost the nation’s self-defence and
women
Use synonyms
's motivation.
Nonetheless
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,
this
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 leads to serious issues affecting children’s behaviour and emotions.

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clarity
Be clear on your view in the first part and keep it through the essay.
structure
Put one main idea in each paragraph and link them with easy words like and, but, so.
style
Use short, simple sentences and common words from the top 100.
content
Give more real and clear examples and tell how they match your point.
accuracy
Fix small grammar and spell check, and be careful with spaces.
conclusion
End with a short finish that repeats your main view.
structure
The essay has a clear plan with an intro, body parts, and a short end.
content
It shows both sides and looks at how family life can be affected.
content
It tries to use facts or example to back up points.
Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »- a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

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