Some people think governments should focus on reducing environmental pollution and housing problems to help people prevent illness and disease. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

Nowadays, more
people
are inflicted by mental illness and mounting
pressure
because of a variety of social
problems
. Facing the phenomenon, some
people
tender their opinion that governments should focus on alleviating housing prices and environmental
pollution
, which are the root causes of illness and diseases. Personally,
while
solving these
problems
will offer great relief to
people
, more things should be done to ensure the
wellbeing
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well-being
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for
Change preposition
of
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the
Correct article usage
apply
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society.
Firstly
, the housing problem is the primary source of financial
pressure
for
people
across all age groups. Youngsters are pestered by the hefty price of affording the houses that are the harbour for families; the elderly
also
find it hard to be financially free before repaying all mortgages and saving enough for retirement. Let alone that the housing price is just one of the many
problems
an adult
need
Correct subject-verb agreement
needs
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to consider, other
problems
like raising
family
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a family
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and paying
for
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apply
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energy bills are
also
pressing and inevitable. Juggling these
problems
and facing the
pressure
can yield
people
to many health issues
such
as depression and diseases.More importantly, the environment today is polluted heavily, industrial waste and other human activities pose risks to the ecosystem,
in
Correct pronoun usage
which in
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turn directly
impact
Correct subject-verb agreement
impacts
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humans.
For instance
,
the
Correct article usage
apply
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air
pollution
increases the possibility of contracting lung cancer and respiratory diseases. Having said the impacts of these two
problems
, it can be
deducted
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deduced
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that reducing the housing price and
pollution
will lift much
pressure
from
people
’s shoulders. Another reason for the government should focus on housing and environmental
problems
is that these
problems
have long-term effects if we ignore them. The financial burdens on
people
prevent them from having children, and
pollution
will subject the younger generation to sub-healthy conditions. The decrease in birth
rate
and less healthy population will result in more social issues and complaints. Even though there are many
problems
other than housing and
pollution
hanging in the air, the governments should set foot in these two
problems
as they are the most urgent and noticeable among all.
However
, it should be noticed that other
problems
, like high crime
rate
and inequality of education,
also
concern
people
. Without lowering the crime
rate
, residents feel insecure living in the countries and spend large amounts of money
in
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on
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security services and facilities, which the money can be better used. Inequal access to education will solidify the social castes and unsatisfied
people
can march and complain.
In addition
, economic growth will be stifled
the
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by the
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quality of labour.
Therefore
,
the
Correct article usage
apply
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governments should
also
pay attention to other
concerning
Change preposition
apply
show examples
social issues rather than focusing on just one or two. In conclusion, housing and environmental
problems
should be alleviated to free
people
from the mounting
pressure
, but other
problems
such
as crime
rate
and
inequal
Correct your spelling
unequal
show examples
education opportunities should
also
be solved.
Submitted by wusiying2001 on

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task achievement
Ensure that examples are specific and relevant to illustrate points effectively. For instance, you can elaborate more on how government initiatives in housing and pollution have succeeded in other areas or discuss statistics to strengthen your argument.
coherence and cohesion
While your essay flows logically, try to ensure that transitions between ideas are particularly strong and clear. Use linking words and phrases more consistently to guide the reader through your argument seamlessly.
coherence and cohesion
Your essay provides a thoughtful introduction that clearly states your perspective on the issue, aligning well with the task.
task achievement
The text logically analyzes the main issues and potential solutions, effectively supporting the statement with relevant reasons.
coherence and cohesion
Your conclusion nicely ties together your discussion points and restates your position, which enhances the coherence of the essay.

Your opinion

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Don’t leave your opinion until the conclusion.

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...do you agree or disagree?...do you think...?...your opinion...?

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Essentional vocabulary list for IELTS Writing 7+

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • respiratory diseases
  • heart conditions
  • incidence
  • affordable housing
  • stress
  • infectious diseases
  • preventative measures
  • cost-effective
  • healthcare infrastructure
  • comprehensive approach
  • global warming
  • climate change
  • exacerbated
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