Some people think governments should focus on reducing environmental pollution and housing problems to help people prevent illness and disease. To what extent do you agree or disagree?
Nowadays, more
people
are inflicted by mental illness and mounting pressure
because of a variety of social problems
. Facing the phenomenon, some people
tender their opinion that governments should focus on alleviating housing prices and environmental pollution
, which are the root causes of illness and diseases. Personally, while
solving these problems
will offer great relief to people
, more things should be done to ensure the wellbeing
Correct your spelling
well-being
for
Change preposition
of
the
society.
Correct article usage
apply
Firstly
, the housing problem is the primary source of financial pressure
for people
across all age groups. Youngsters are pestered by the hefty price of affording the houses that are the harbour for families; the elderly also
find it hard to be financially free before repaying all mortgages and saving enough for retirement. Let alone that the housing price is just one of the many problems
an adult need
to consider, other Correct subject-verb agreement
needs
problems
like raising family
and paying Add an article
a family
for
energy bills are Change preposition
apply
also
pressing and inevitable. Juggling these problems
and facing the pressure
can yield people
to many health issues such
as depression and diseases.More importantly, the environment today is polluted heavily, industrial waste and other human activities pose risks to the ecosystem, in
turn directly Correct pronoun usage
which in
impact
humans. Correct subject-verb agreement
impacts
For instance
, the
air Correct article usage
apply
pollution
increases the possibility of contracting lung cancer and respiratory diseases. Having said the impacts of these two problems
, it can be deducted
that reducing the housing price and Correct your spelling
deduced
pollution
will lift much pressure
from people
’s shoulders.
Another reason for the government should focus on housing and environmental problems
is that these problems
have long-term effects if we ignore them. The financial burdens on people
prevent them from having children, and pollution
will subject the younger generation to sub-healthy conditions. The decrease in birth rate
and less healthy population will result in more social issues and complaints. Even though there are many problems
other than housing and pollution
hanging in the air, the governments should set foot in these two problems
as they are the most urgent and noticeable among all.
However
, it should be noticed that other problems
, like high crime rate
and inequality of education, also
concern people
. Without lowering the crime rate
, residents feel insecure living in the countries and spend large amounts of money in
security services and facilities, which the money can be better used. Inequal access to education will solidify the social castes and unsatisfied Change preposition
on
people
can march and complain. In addition
, economic growth will be stifled the
quality of labour. Change preposition
by the
Therefore
, the
governments should Correct article usage
apply
also
pay attention to other concerning
social issues rather than focusing on just one or two.
In conclusion, housing and environmental Change preposition
apply
problems
should be alleviated to free people
from the mounting pressure
, but other problems
such
as crime rate
and inequal
education opportunities should Correct your spelling
unequal
also
be solved.Submitted by wusiying2001 on
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task achievement
Ensure that examples are specific and relevant to illustrate points effectively. For instance, you can elaborate more on how government initiatives in housing and pollution have succeeded in other areas or discuss statistics to strengthen your argument.
coherence and cohesion
While your essay flows logically, try to ensure that transitions between ideas are particularly strong and clear. Use linking words and phrases more consistently to guide the reader through your argument seamlessly.
coherence and cohesion
Your essay provides a thoughtful introduction that clearly states your perspective on the issue, aligning well with the task.
task achievement
The text logically analyzes the main issues and potential solutions, effectively supporting the statement with relevant reasons.
coherence and cohesion
Your conclusion nicely ties together your discussion points and restates your position, which enhances the coherence of the essay.
Your opinion
Don’t put your opinion unless you are asked to give it.
If the question asks what you think, you MUST give your opinion to get a good score.
Don’t leave your opinion until the conclusion.
Here are examples of instructions that require you to give your opinion:
...do you agree or disagree?...do you think...?...your opinion...?
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