IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4

Some people think that it is an individual responsibilty to take care of an environment but others think it is government's job to do so. Discuss both opinions and give your own opinion.

4.0 / 9
Band scoreView breakdown ↓
✍️ Want to check your own essay?Write on this topic →
Introduction
In
this
Linking Words
 concurrent era,
its
Replace the word
it's
it is
show examples
 always debatable has now
became
Change the verb form
become
show examples
 controversial in recent times. Some folk believe that
that
Correct determiner usage
the
show examples
 government has
super power
Correct your spelling
superpower
show examples
 so it is their
responsbilility
Correct your spelling
responsibility
 to take care of an
environment
Replace the word
environmental
show examples
 issue
while
Linking Words
 others reject
this
Linking Words
 notion. In
this
Linking Words
 essay, I will elaborate
both
Change preposition
on both
show examples
beneficial
Correct article usage
the beneficial
show examples
 and adverse
aspect
Fix the agreement mistake
aspects
show examples
 of
this
Linking Words
 trend and
thus
Linking Words
 lead to a logical conclusion.
Body paragraph 1
First of all, air pollution is the main culprit for the entire
globe
Change noun form
globe's
show examples
environment
Replace the word
environmental
show examples
problem
Use synonyms
due to
Linking Words
increasing
Add an article
the increasing
an increasing
show examples
 number of vehicles,
bursting
Correct word choice
and bursting
show examples
 crackers in the events causing an issue.
In addition
Linking Words
,
people
Use synonyms
cutting
Wrong verb form
cut
show examples
 down
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
tree in the forest for their own
benefits
Fix the agreement mistake
benefit
show examples
 which
affecting
Wrong verb form
affects
show examples
habitats
Correct article usage
the habitats
show examples
 of animals.
As a result
Linking Words
, reducing of
animals
Fix the agreement mistake
animal
show examples
spieces
Correct your spelling
species
.
Hence
Linking Words
its
Replace the word
it's
it is
show examples
 apparent why many
people
Use synonyms
 are supporting
this
Linking Words
 trend.
Body paragraph 2
On the other hand
Linking Words
,
Correct article usage
the goverment
show examples
goverment
Correct your spelling
government
 has some power and resources to implement strict
law
Fix the agreement mistake
laws
show examples
 to prevent
an
Correct the article-noun agreement
apply
show examples
environment
Replace the word
environmental
show examples
 issues.
For instance
Linking Words
,
due to
Linking Words
Correct article usage
the increase
show examples
increase
Replace the word
increased
show examples
 number of vehicles, government should educate
people
Use synonyms
 about air pollution and
movitate
Correct your spelling
motivate
 them to use
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
public transport
along with
Linking Words
bring
Wrong verb form
bringing
show examples
 to strict
law
Fix the agreement mistake
laws
show examples
 to own two cars in each
resisdent
Correct your spelling
residence
 which
minimial
Correct your spelling
minimises
Correct article usage
the usuage
show examples
usuage
Correct your spelling
usage
 of
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
private vehicles.
Futhermore
Correct your spelling
Furthermore
,
state
Correct article usage
the state
show examples
goverment
Correct your spelling
government
governments
take
Correct subject-verb agreement
takes
show examples
 immediate action against
people
Use synonyms
 who are cutting down
Add an article
a tree
show examples
tree
Fix the agreement mistake
trees
show examples
 without any permission.
Body paragraph 3
In conclusion,
government
Correct article usage
the government
show examples
 and
individual
Fix the agreement mistake
individuals
show examples
are
Unnecessary verb
apply
show examples
both cooperate
to
Change preposition
with
show examples
 each
problem
Use synonyms
 to
trackle
Correct your spelling
tackle
this
Linking Words
problem
Use synonyms
.
Conclusion
Without each other support, can't able to solve the
problem
Use synonyms
 effectively.

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site's author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

task achievement
Your introduction clearly states the topic and sets the stage for the discussion. However, try to focus and clarify the main points you plan to discuss for better clarity.
coherence cohesion
To improve coherence, work on linking sentences and paragraphs smoothly. Transitional phrases can help guide the reader through your arguments.
task achievement
Provide more concrete examples to support your arguments. This can help strengthen your task achievement score.
coherence cohesion
Avoid repeating similar ideas or phrases, and consider varying your sentence structure for greater fluency.
coherence cohesion
You have successfully included an introduction and a conclusion, structuring your essay well overall.
task achievement
You have addressed both opinions, showing an understanding of the task requirements.
Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »- a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • individual responsibility
  • government's job
  • environmental protection
  • carbon footprint
  • personal accountability
  • behavioral change
  • education and awareness
  • large-scale policies
  • emissions controls
  • deforestation monitoring
  • compliance
  • grassroots support
  • systemic level
  • sustainable technologies
  • collaborative efforts
  • fund research and development
What to do next:
Look at other essays: