IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6

There are several factors that motivate people to stay in the workforce, and money is the most important factor. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

It is commonly believed that
job
Use synonyms
 income is the most essential factor for employees in deciding to keep working
,
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;
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however
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, in my opinion, it is not the only thing that motivates people.
This
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 essay will argue that there are other factors that matter equally, if not more, than money. Higher paychecks and bonuses come with more demanding tasks and increased work hours; these can translate into a bad work-life balance. Ignoring
this
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 negative balance not only leads to stress and mental exhaustion, but
also
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 to serious ill health. Indeed, my Uncle chose to pursue the highest
job
Use synonyms
 title in order to earn the highest paycheque; unfortunately, things didn’t turn out as he had expected. After a short time, he had a nervous breakdown, which made him realise that prioritising your health over your
job
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 is essential if you want to live a decent life.
Moreover
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, the younger generations of employees have a strong awareness about finding the right balance between
job
Use synonyms
 and personal life; That’s why,
for example
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, younger people tend to always ask companies they apply
for
Change preposition
to for
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 the smart-working policy. Nowadays, individuals tend to be more attracted to well-being
instead
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 of running after the highest income. I’m one example of
this
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 myself; I worked as a school teacher, and during that
time
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time,
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 I felt overwhelmed by the workload and by the scarce free time I had. I now work as a gardener; it was a life-changing decision. I feel motivated
,
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apply
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 and excited to go to work every day, despite the fact that I earn far less money.
To sum up
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, I believe wage is a fundamental factor that weighs a lot in an individual’s decision to keep working.
However
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, it is not the only factor that influences the choice.

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task response
State your view at the start. Say if you agree or not, and stick to that view in the body.
coherence
Make one idea in each paragraph. Start with a short line that shows the idea, then add a few lines to explain it.
coherence
Use simple links like and, but, so, for example, to show how ideas go from one idea to the next.
language
Check your grammar and use easy words. Fix big mistakes and keep short, clear sentences.
strength
The view on money is clear and the writer gives other ideas.
strength
The writer uses real life examples to back up ideas.
strength
The text is easy to read because the words are simple.
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