some people think that it’s important to spend money on family celebrations (e.g. weddings, birthdays). However, some think that expensive celebration are a waste of money. Discuss both views and give your opinion.

Celeb ration is an important part of our lives , it is a way to show love and spread happiness on different
occasion
Fix the agreement mistake
occasions
show examples
. For individuals who think spending
money
on celebrations
such
as weddings and birthdays , they usually spend a lot of
money
for two reasons one because of their tradition,
for example
Correct article usage
an
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arab wedding is known to be magnificence with
big
Correct article usage
a big
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space and a high number of tables for guests and a lot of food to accordant the number of guests and their families. Contrast with birthdays party .
Secound
Correct your spelling
Second
reason
also
Add a missing verb
is also
show examples
in arab culture and tradition
if
Add a missing verb
is if
show examples
someone gives you an expensive wedding present or
big
Correct article usage
a big
show examples
birthday party you should return the favour if
theirs
Correct the word
their
show examples
occasions come up .
On the other hand
, people who think
celebration
Add an article
a celebration
the celebration
show examples
is a waste of
money
are not entirely wrong , I think their reasons
they
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are they
show examples
have other important stuff to do or they come from a family who didn't appreciate weddings and birthday
celebration
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celebrations
show examples
.
Overall
in my opinion I come from arab culture and tradition so I believe in the saying if you give something you will earn something in return , I give and spend
money
on presents and
weedding
Correct your spelling
wedding
for my family and the people I love and
admair
Correct your spelling
admire
, but at the same time
i
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I
show examples
try to be financially frugal.
Submitted by roof.al1418 on

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Logical Structure
Try to organize your essay with clear paragraphs. Begin with an introduction that outlines the points you will discuss, followed by cohesive body paragraphs for each main idea. Finally, conclude by summarizing your argument and providing a personal opinion.
Relevant Specific Examples
Your essay could benefit from another example or more elaboration on why people might see celebrations as a waste of money. Consider explaining cultural or personal reasons in more detail, which will add depth to your discussion.
Language and Grammar
Consider checking your spelling, grammar, and punctuation to improve readability. Some minor errors are present but don't detract significantly from your argument.
Cultural Perspective
Your essay provides a cultural perspective, particularly from an Arab context, which enriches the discussion. This not only personalizes your opinion but also gives the reader insight into diverse viewpoints.
Balanced Perspective
You address both views in the essay, presenting the rationale behind them. This shows a balanced approach to the topic.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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