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Writing Samples
Band 7.5

The chart shows the information about salt intake in the US in 2000.

The chart shows the information about salt intake in the US in 2000.
The diagram illustrates the proportion of
salt
Use synonyms
 which is consumed by
males
Use synonyms
 and
females
Use synonyms
 in various age groups in the United States in 2000.
Overall
Linking Words
,
males
Use synonyms
 aged 20-39 account for the highest group,
while
Linking Words
females
Use synonyms
 aged under 6 made up the lowest consuming
salt
Use synonyms
.
Moreover
Linking Words
, male
salt
Use synonyms
 intake was consistently higher than that of
females
Use synonyms
 across all surveyed age groups. In terms of
salt
Use synonyms
 intake used by
males
Use synonyms
, the figure for
males
Use synonyms
 aged 20 to 39 ranked first (4500
milligrams
Use synonyms
), which was followed by teenagers and middle-aged individuals, who accounted for approximately 4000
milligrams
Use synonyms
.
Additionally
Linking Words
, individuals aged 6 to 11 and seniors consumed
salt
Use synonyms
 equally (3500
milligrams
Use synonyms
),
while
Linking Words
 those under 6 years old accounted for the lowest, with a consumption of 1500
milligrams
Use synonyms
. As for
salt
Use synonyms
 consumption used by
females
Use synonyms
, individuals aged 6 to 60 years old used
salt
Use synonyms
 at a similar proportion of 3000
milligrams
Use synonyms
,
whereas
Linking Words
 the elderly were the second-highest group.
Furthermore
Linking Words
,
females
Use synonyms
 under 6 years consumed less
salt
Use synonyms
 than other age groups, placing them at the lowest level.

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Linking words: Don't use the same linking words: "while".
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Vocabulary: Replace the words salt, males, females, milligrams with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: Only 6 basic words for charts were used.
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Vocabulary: The word "proportion" was used 2 times.
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