IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5.5

An increasing number of professionals, such as doctors and teachers, are leaving their own poorer countries to work in developed countries. What problems does this cause? What can be done to deal with this situations?

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The majority of individuals who work as a doctor or teacher are migrating
in
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to
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 other
countries
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 rather than staying and working in their own poor nations.
In other words
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, these days, more and more
professionals
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 are leaving their
countries
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 in order to gain more money or achieve welfare in some developed
countries
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. It is obvious that
this
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 decision creates a lot of various difficulties. In
this
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 essay, I will explain some of these
problems
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, and
also
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 I will propose several effective solutions. One of the most significant
problems
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 which are caused by
this
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 choice is that
the
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apply
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underdeveloped
countries
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 will become weaker and weaker whether economically or socially.
That is
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 to say, The loss of brilliant minds, particularly doctors, through emigration leaves poorer nations facing a critical shortage of vital medical skills. Another notable issue is that juveniles may tend to imitate
professionals
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 and prefer to leave their own country when they accomplish their lessons so that they can progress in advanced
countries
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.
Otherwise
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 stated, individuals might get accustomed to leaving their country to flourish their ideas. In
this
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 case, weak
countries
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 lose a lot of scholars. So, what should be done to tackle these
problems
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?
Firstly
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, the government should improve the economy.
Hence
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, people not only will be able to afford their costs
,
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apply
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 but
also
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professionals
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 may be encouraged to stay in their hometowns. For
this
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 purpose, the government can create new jobs for youngsters and convince juveniles to work in their own
countries
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.
Secondly
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, educational systems can raise awareness about the benefits of staying in local areas. In
this
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 situation, individuals can access the valuable knowledge and skills of crucial
professionals
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 in developing
countries
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,
such
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 as teachers, to address specific needs.
To conclude
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, there is no doubt that nowadays, a lot of significant people are leaving their
countries
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. Whilst,
this
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 choice can cause some serious
problems
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,
such
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 as creating
the
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a
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 weaker society and imitating
young
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the young
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 generation
from
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of
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professionals
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. I personally think, these difficulties will not be addressed unless the government create new occupations, and
also
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 educational systems
raise
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to raise
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 people's awareness.

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Coherence and Cohesion
Consider enhancing the clarity of ideas in the second body paragraph. Currently, the argument about educational systems raising awareness needs further development to fully communicate its effectiveness.
Task Achievement
Provide more specific examples to substantiate some of the general points, particularly in the body paragraphs. This will make your arguments more convincing and relatable.
Coherence and Cohesion
Ensure that transitions between paragraphs and ideas are smooth to maintain the flow of your argument. Some sections could benefit from clearer linking phrases.
Introduction and Conclusion Structure
The essay opens with a clear introduction that outlines the main problems and solutions that will be discussed.
Introduction and Conclusion Structure
The conclusion succinctly summarizes the main issues and proposed solutions, effectively wrapping up the essay.
Task Achievement
The essay successfully identifies key problems such as economic and social weakening of poorer countries, and the impact on the young generation, which demonstrates a good understanding of the issue.

Your opinion

Don’t put your opinion unless you are asked to give it.

If the question asks what you think, you MUST give your opinion to get a good score.

Don’t leave your opinion until the conclusion.

Here are examples of instructions that require you to give your opinion:

...do you agree or disagree?...do you think...?...your opinion...?

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