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Writing Samples
Band 7.5

In some countries young people are encouraged to work or travel for a year between finishing high school and starting university studies. Discuss the advantages and disadvantages for young people who decide to do this

#countries #people #work #travel #year #school #university #studies
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Nowadays, the young prefer to take a
gap
year
 between admission to university after finishing school.
This
 essay will present that the
year
 gives time to choose a specialisation and analyse future perspective for a person,
however
, after the
gap
year
 some folk can feel discomfort and problems with adaptation. In terms of precipitation, the annum can play a huge role in planning a future life for individuals who have issues with choice. They can try to work or travel as an option, learn new skills and improve their preparation.
Also
, it gives a chance for people with financial issues to earn enough money for education.
For example
, in the US people use
this
 work opportunity to release their school ideas,
such
 as business or science projects.
Furthermore
, scholars present a statistic that pupils who take the
gap
year
 60% feel better about their future jobs.
On the other hand
, the
gap
year
 can be a cause of hard adaptation because sometimes students feel discomfort and lost in the academic
year
.
Therefore
, many students prosecute the idea that people lose a part of their knowledge at the time.
For instance
, my sister didn't choose the option because she analysed that periods without academic work reduce her productivity.
In addition
, she felt lost in her mind and could concentrate on her regular tasks. In conclusion, the
gap
year
 is only an optional choice that pluses agility and opportunity which is provided by time, and minuses which is connected with an academic loss and adaptivity is still playing a part in the discussion.
Submitted by dimash.shaitmahmet on

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coherence cohesion
To improve coherence and cohesion, ensure your paragraphs transition smoothly and ideas are logically connected. Consider using linking words and phrases more effectively.
task achievement
Enhance task achievement by providing more detailed examples and explanations. This will make your arguments stronger and more convincing.
introduction
Your introduction clearly outlines the topic and your essay’s main points, which sets a good foundation for the discussion.
conclusion
The conclusion effectively summarizes your argument, bringing the essay to a cohesive end.

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

  • for example
  • for instance
  • to illustrate this
  • to give a clear example
  • such as
  • namely
  • to illustrate
  • take, for example

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • Cultural immersion
  • Life experience
  • Work ethic
  • Career readiness
  • Self-discovery
  • Delayed gratification
  • Intellectual stagnation
  • Financial implications
  • Social dynamics
  • Academic trajectory
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