IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 7

Some feel that tourism endangers culture while others feel it is beneficial. DIscuss both sides and give your own opinion.

#feel #tourism #endangers #culture
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Nowadays, the number of tourists is increasing. Some people feel that tourism will affect on local country’s culture in a negative way ,
while
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 others think it will bring positive effects.
This
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 essay will talk about both perspectives of the argument and my personal opinion about the situation. On the one hand, travellers are forcing locals to forget their own
language
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 by learning a new one. Since a tourist doesn’t speak the country’s
language
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, the local citizens have to be able to speak foreign languages to treat visitors. By doing that, natives may lose their own
language
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 someday.
For instance
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, I am originally from Japan but I live in Melbourne , Australia, one time I was in Japan, a person from another country pointed to items in the street and the seller was imitating him. That day I realised how tourism was affecting my culture.
On the other hand
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,a modern tourist helps advertise local businesses
such
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 as food, hotels and restaurants. Visitors will take pictures and upload them to SNS (social network service) where people all over the world have a chance to see them.
For example
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, before I came to Australia, I did lots of research to know the country and it helped me a lot to understand their cultures.
To sum up
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, visitors could have negative effects on a local
language
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,
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apply
show examples
 but
also
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 would bring positive effects in promoting local culture to the world.
Thus
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, I think that having a globetrotter in our country has more advantages than drawbacks.
Submitted by Andrea Barreto on

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coherence cohesion
Clarify how the personal example relates to the broader argument to enhance cohesion.
task achievement
Explain more specifically how tourists learning local languages can lead to a culture shift.
coherence cohesion
Good introduction and conclusion, clearly introducing and summarizing the main points.
task achievement
Relevant and specific examples used to support main points, especially about the impact of social networks on tourism.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • cultural erosion
  • cultural homogenization
  • cultural heritage
  • mutual understanding
  • cultural diversity
  • preservation
  • economic incentive
  • revival
  • authenticity
  • over-commercialized
What to do next:
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