#62. Task2: The number of people interested in cosmetic surgery is increasing in order to improve their physical apperance. Why do people do operations to change the way they look? Do you think it is positive or negative development?
There is
Correct article usage
an onging
onging
debate over whether cosmetic Correct your spelling
ongoing
surgery
should be encourged
for Correct your spelling
encouraged
people
seeking for
better Change preposition
apply
physicial
Correct your spelling
physical
apprence
. Some believe that a fabulous look will Correct your spelling
apprentice
appearance
build-up
Correct your spelling
build up
people
's confidence and is valuable in job hunting and match making
. Correct your spelling
matchmaking
While
others argue that natural aging
is more meaningful and Change the spelling
ageing
Correct word choice
that peole
peole
should Correct your spelling
people
aviod
generating fake faces that Correct your spelling
avoid
related
to high-tech Add a missing verb
are related
surgery
. In my view, cosmetic surgery
has advantages in improving people
's physical apperance
and gaining confidence, Correct your spelling
appearance
it
Correct word choice
but it
also
has drawbacks such
as high cost and risks in its complications.
The most important reasons
for Fix the agreement mistake
reason
peole
seeking Correct your spelling
people
for
cosmetic Change preposition
apply
surgery
is to improve their physical look. In today's job market, many position
Change to a plural noun
positions
such
as sales, marketing
require Correct word choice
and marketing
better
look. Models or Add an article
a better
attress
even desire Correct your spelling
address
mattress
for improving
facial Change preposition
to improve
apperance
as a Correct your spelling
appearance
nececity
part of their work. Correct your spelling
necessity
Moreover
, people
relay
on Correct your spelling
rely
surgery
to turn back to a young face. A youthful face is charaterized
Correct your spelling
characterised
as
an even Change preposition
by
distributed
of muscles, Replace the word
distribution
fibers
and fatty tissue. Change the spelling
fibres
Whereas
during aging
, the skin becomes drier, sagging and less elastic. Change the spelling
ageing
Therefore
, elderly people
seek for
Change preposition
apply
cosmestic
Correct your spelling
cosmetic
surgery
to revitalize their apperance
so as to rebuild their confidence.
The increasing trend for Correct your spelling
appearance
people
seeking for
rejuvenence Change preposition
apply
surgery
is beneficial in boosting the economy and increasing tax revenue for the government and the hospitals. As surgery
-related procedures are usually not coverd
by insurance and are relatively Correct your spelling
covered
costy
. Correct your spelling
costly
Therefore
, it becomes a valuable source to promote GDP growth. In addition
, as more investment will be allocated to aging-related
projects and Change the spelling
ageing-related
study
, it will motivate creativity and Fix the agreement mistake
studies
techological
innovation.
On the flip side, some opponents Correct your spelling
technological
Add a missing verb
are concern
concern
that over Replace the word
concerned
reliant
on Correct your spelling
over-reliant
surgery
gives people
fake looks. We could not enjoy the natural aging
elegancy as seen in Change the spelling
ageing
Audery
Herphern, the iconic lady that Correct your spelling
Audrey
admire
by both the young and the old. Change the verb form
admires
Moreover
, as more and more merchants pursuing
profit from the market, many illegal operations have been carried out without proper training. Wrong verb form
pursue
This
lead
to Correct subject-verb agreement
leads
unchangable
complications Correct your spelling
unchangeable
to
patients that harm Change preposition
for
the
society as a whole.
In summary, it is undeniable that Correct article usage
apply
cosmatic
Correct your spelling
cosmetic
surgery
brings both economic benefit
and sociological improvement Fix the agreement mistake
benefits
for
Change preposition
to
the
society. Correct article usage
apply
However
, it poses challenges in term
of Fix the agreement mistake
terms
maintaing
the standard Correct your spelling
maintaining
in
Change preposition
of
surgery
and reducing the complications for patients. Striking the balance between the quality of the surgery
and the outcome of the patients is crucial to improve
Wrong verb form
improving
people
's overall
wellbeing
.Correct your spelling
well-being
Submitted by fanyi0511 on
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coherence cohesion
Try to add clearer transitions between paragraphs to improve the logical flow of the essay.
task achievement
In some areas, the clarity of ideas can be enhanced. Ensure your argument flows logically by connecting your points more explicitly.
task achievement
More specific examples could be added to bolster some of the arguments and illustrate points more vividly.
coherence cohesion
The essay presents a balanced view of the topic, considering both positive and negative aspects of cosmetic surgery.
task achievement
Your discussion includes references to societal and personal aspects, which shows a comprehensive understanding of the topic.
coherence cohesion
There is a strong introduction that clearly sets up the debate and an effective conclusion that summarizes the content well.
Fully explain your ideas
To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).
For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:
- Paragraph 1 - Introduction
- Sentence 1 - Background statement
- Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
- Sentence 3 - Thesis
- Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
- Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
- Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
- Sentence 2 - Example
- Sentence 3 - Discussion
- Sentence 4 - Conclusion
- Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
- Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
- Sentence 2 - Example
- Sentence 3 - Discussion
- Sentence 4 - Conclusion
- Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
- Sentence 1 - Summary
- Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
- Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation
Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.