IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5

Some people think young people should be required to have full time education until they are at least 18 years old. To what extent do you agree or disagree? You should write at least 250 words

#people #time #education #years
✨ Do you want to improve your IELTS writing?
Nowadays
indviduals
Correct your spelling
individuals
said
Wrong verb form
say
show examples
 that
students
Use synonyms
 must have
full
Correct word choice
apply
show examples
time
Use synonyms
studying
Change the verb form
to study
show examples
untile
Correct your spelling
until
show examples
 they reach 18 years
.
Correct word choice
old.
show examples
 I believe that
students
Use synonyms
 must
consume
Verb problem
spend
show examples
 most of their
time
Use synonyms
 on education because they need to enter a university and during
this
Linking Words
time
Use synonyms
 they are not required to a huge load.
To begin
Linking Words
 with,
Use synonyms
students
Change noun form
students'
student's
show examples
 marks are increasing
years
Fix the agreement mistake
year
show examples
 after
years
Fix the agreement mistake
year
show examples
 which
make
Correct subject-verb agreement
makes
show examples
 entering a university for an average student
is becoming
Verb problem
apply
show examples
harder than ever. In
another word
Fix the agreement mistake
other words
show examples
,
students
Use synonyms
 must allocate most of their
time
Use synonyms
 to study to get a high degree which is required for their university. Student having a part-
time
Use synonyms
 job
along with
Linking Words
 their school would
makes
Change the verb form
make
show examples
him
Correct pronoun usage
them
show examples
 have
a
Remove the article
apply
show examples
high stress and anxiety and as
result
Correct article usage
a result
show examples
 of
that
Add a comma
that,
show examples
he
Correct pronoun usage
they
show examples
 will get a lower degree.
For example
Linking Words
,
Saudia
Correct your spelling
Saudi
show examples
 Arabia found that most of their
students
Use synonyms
which
Correct pronoun usage
who
show examples
they
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
have
a
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
part-
time
Use synonyms
job
Fix the agreement mistake
jobs
show examples
 during their school days had
a
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
lower
degress
Correct your spelling
degrees
degree
comparing
Wrong verb form
compared
show examples
 to
a
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
full
Add a hyphen
full-time
show examples
time
Use synonyms
students
Use synonyms
. Another point to consider,
students
Use synonyms
 under the age of 18 are not fully developed and they need a mature family to guide them to reach their goals.
Moreover
Linking Words
, young people choose their
need
Fix the agreement mistake
needs
show examples
 based on their
emotion
Fix the agreement mistake
emotions
show examples
 rather
their
Change preposition
than their
show examples
mind
Fix the agreement mistake
minds
show examples
 or brain
beacuse
Correct your spelling
because
 they are not fully developed which
Linking Words
at
Change preposition
in
show examples
 the end
chould
Correct your spelling
could
should
 harm them in different
way
Fix the agreement mistake
ways
show examples
.
For instance
Linking Words
, if
students
Use synonyms
 stop going to school, they will have a huge free
time
Use synonyms
 and
as a result
Linking Words
of
Change preposition
apply
show examples
that
Correct word choice
apply
show examples
they could start looking for sexual
Correct your spelling
lives
lifes
Correct your spelling
lives
show examples
 or drugs based on research done in
United
Correct article usage
the United
show examples
Capitalize word
States
show examples
states
Capitalize word
States
show examples
 In conclusion, despite the debate about whether
students
Use synonyms
 should study
untile
Correct your spelling
until
show examples
 18 or not. I strongly agree with
this
Linking Words
 opinion because they are not mature enough and their
need
Correct article usage
a need
show examples
 for high marks.
Submitted by sslghamdi945 on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

advice.task achievement.complete response
Your introduction clearly presents the topic and your stance. Make sure your introduction also outlines the main ideas that will be discussed in the essay to enhance clarity.
advice.coherence cohesion.logical structure
Work on organizing your ideas more logically. Ensure each paragraph transitions smoothly to the next, and avoid jumping abruptly between ideas.
advice.task achievement.clear comprehensive ideas
Some sentences are a bit unclear due to grammatical issues. Be sure to proofread your work to enhance clarity and avoid misunderstandings.
advice.coherence cohesion.introduction conclusion present
Use linking words like 'Firstly', 'For instance', 'Furthermore', and 'In conclusion' to help guide the reader through your arguments and make connections between ideas clear.
advice.coherence cohesion.supported main points
Try to use varied sentence structures to make your writing more dynamic and engaging. Avoid repetitive phrasing and vocabulary.
positive.task achievement.complete response
Your response fully addresses the task by discussing the importance of full-time education until the age of 18.
positive.task achievement.relevant specific examples
You've provided examples to support your main points, such as examples from Saudi Arabia and the United States.
positive.coherence cohesion.introduction conclusion present
The conclusion effectively summarizes your viewpoint and reinforces your main argument.
Topic Vocabulary:
  • fundamental cornerstone
  • literacy and numeracy
  • social inequalities
  • foundation of knowledge
  • social mobility
  • informed and engaged citizenry
  • democratic processes
  • youth crime rates
  • productive activities
  • vocational training
  • workforce
  • stifling individual talent
  • economic contribution
  • stress and mental health issues
  • unsuitable educational system
  • one-size-fits-all approach
  • diverse talents
  • career paths
  • formal academic education
  • financial strains
  • low-income countries
  • improving quality of education
What to do next:
Look at other essays: