Some people regard the increasing business and cultural contact between countries as a positive development. Others, however, feel that this will lead to the loss of national identities. Discuss both views and give your opinion.

In recent years, there has been a significant increase in the frequency and depth of business and cultural contact between countries
due to
the advancements in internet connection and transportation.
However
, people hold different views about
this
phenomenon. Some individuals believe that the growing corporate and cultural connections have more positive and far-reaching effects. One primary reason in favour of
this
opinion is that
this
trend is beneficial for economic development.
For example
, some multinational corporations in developed countries make full use of cheap resources and labour in underdeveloped ones to produce cost-effective products to increase sales and profits. At the same time, these enterprises
also
create more jobs for individuals in deprived areas, which is conducive for them to increase their incomes and lead a better life.
Besides
, the increasing cultural contact is good for mutual understanding and global peace. Take films for an example. Watching a foreign movie or video is an appealing and energising approach for viewers to be aware of the language, history and ethos of the nation, which can help to improve their comprehension of exotic
cultures
.
However
, there are some opponents who think that the communication of businesses and
cultures
between countries will cause the
loss
of national identities. Some brands of multinational companies have relentlessly advanced into every corner of the world, ousting local manufacturing items.
This
trend contributes to not only the
loss
of cultural diversity worldwide but
also
the sad disappearance of the manifestation of the local unique
cultures
.
On the other hand
,
this
problem can be addressed by some methods. One example is to build some museums to exhibit those items being replaced, which is an effective way for locals to know their own
cultures
, avoiding and combatting the
loss
of national identities. In conclusion, I firmly agree that
this
trend is a positive development as it can enhance economic growth and mutual understanding of different
cultures
.
Nevertheless
, every country should take some action to retain and advertise their own
cultures
in case of the
loss
of national identities.
Submitted by 1378468145 on

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task achievement
Try to include more specific examples to strengthen your arguments. For instance, mention particular films or companies that serve as good case studies.
coherence cohesion
Sometimes your transitions between ideas could be clearer. Use more linking words to ensure each paragraph flows smoothly into the next.
coherence cohesion
Ensure that each paragraph has a clearly identified main point and that this point is explicitly connected to the essay question.
coherence cohesion
Your introduction and conclusion effectively frame the essay, providing a clear entry and exit point for the reader.
task achievement
Your essay addresses all parts of the task with relevant arguments for both sides, alongside your own opinion.
task achievement
The examples, although limited in specificity, are appropriate and help to illustrate your points.

Your opinion

Don’t put your opinion unless you are asked to give it.

If the question asks what you think, you MUST give your opinion to get a good score.

Don’t leave your opinion until the conclusion.

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...do you agree or disagree?...do you think...?...your opinion...?

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