It is a good idea for people to continue working in their old age if it is possible for them to do so. Do you agree or disagree? Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from own knowledge or experience.
Nowadays, older generations are sustaining their
health
, mentally and physically which allow
them to perform daily tasks smoothly, Recent years have seen a significant debate Correct subject-verb agreement
allows
Change preposition
about that
that
elderly Correct word choice
whether
people
shall
continue working, I fully agree with Verb problem
should
this
opinion as it will maintain their mental health
, Moreover
it will be a continued source of income to satisfy their purchasing needs.
First and foremost, at the age of 60 and above, maintaining a healthy lifestyle is very important, Add a comma
Moreover,
thus
being enrolled in a job and having a fixed schedule and a work routine will assist them emotionally and will help them regain their wellbeing and confidence. For
example
pensioners in Norway are eligible to find jobs that suit their age and Add a comma
example,
health
, thus
, they meet people
Change preposition
with where
where
they can share their passion, experience and knowledge, Correct word choice
whom
this
will positively impact their mental health
and wellbeing
, Correct your spelling
well-being
will
Correct word choice
and will
also
avoid the feeling of being ignored and isolated from the community.
Moreover
, having a job secures income, old people
have their own needs and wants. As people
grow up old they become more fragile and sensitive to lend money
from their children, by having their own money
they feel self-reliant and independent. For
example
I recall how satisfied and content where my grandparents Add a comma
example,
when
they used to buy me gifts Add a missing verb
were when
from
their own Change preposition
with
money
, it’s always about how they managed to purchase something rather than loaning the money
from a family member.
In conclusion, I believe that working at an old age is very beneficial, both, physically and mentally, it’s crucial for a healthy life-style
and it gives them a chance to incorporate Correct your spelling
lifestyle
in
Change preposition
into
the
society and share their experiences and knowledge. I think that the government Correct article usage
apply
shall
give more opportunities to the elderly Verb problem
should
people
to work and interact in the community with a
minimized working hours and special working conditions.Correct article usage
apply
Submitted by Mido on
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task response
While your essay presents clear arguments, adding more examples and a counterargument could help to make the response more comprehensive.
coherence
Ensure accurate use of punctuation to improve the clarity of your statements. For instance, add commas to separate clauses correctly.
cohesion
Try to link sentences and paragraphs more smoothly by using a variety of linking words and phrases.
introduction and conclusion
The essay presents a clear introduction and a well-summarized conclusion that reinforces your standpoint.
supported main points
Your main points are supported by relevant examples, which strengthen your argument.
task achievement
The essay addresses the question effectively, providing relevant reasons and examples.
Fully explain your ideas
To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).
For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:
- Paragraph 1 - Introduction
- Sentence 1 - Background statement
- Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
- Sentence 3 - Thesis
- Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
- Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
- Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
- Sentence 2 - Example
- Sentence 3 - Discussion
- Sentence 4 - Conclusion
- Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
- Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
- Sentence 2 - Example
- Sentence 3 - Discussion
- Sentence 4 - Conclusion
- Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
- Sentence 1 - Summary
- Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
- Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation
Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.
Essentional vocabulary list for IELTS Writing 7+
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