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Writing Samples
Band 2.5

Some argue that the increasing use of technology in education is beneficial for students, while others believe it can have negative consequences. Discuss both views and give your own opinion.

#argue #technology #education #students #consequences
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Some wrangle that the innovations
are
Correct pronoun usage
that are
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using
Wrong verb form
used
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 more in teaching are
advantages
Replace the word
advantageous
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 for
students
Use synonyms
, meanwhile others accept as true that it will have
drawback result
Fix the agreement mistake
drawbacks results
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. I believe that using technology in
education
Use synonyms
 is beneficial
,
Remove the comma
apply
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 because it is effective. Technologies in
education
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 are valuable. Plenty of people think so
,
Remove the comma
apply
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 because it is effective for studying and teaching. Searching
information
Change preposition
for information
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 is the main task of technology. In educate
system
Add a comma
system,
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 it is
conveniently
Change the word
convenient
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to
Change preposition
for
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 a lot of teachers to mark scores on
app
Add an article
the app
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.
For example
Linking Words
, in our school, scores were marked in
app
Add an article
the app
an app
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, and it is convenient for a lot of teachers.
On the other hand
Linking Words
, some people believe that it can have a negative effect. Because it will distract
students
Use synonyms
 from studying.
For instance
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, some
students
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 will spend their time at school playing video games and scrolling through social networks.
Furthermore
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, their scores will be lower. In
summarize
Replace the word
summary
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, it is obvious that
use
Correct article usage
the use
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 of technology in
education
Use synonyms
 is
advantages
Replace the word
advantageous
show examples
,
Linking Words
however
Add a comma
however,
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 it has damaging effects on
study
Add an article
the study
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 of
students
Use synonyms
. In my opinion, the increasing use of innovations in
education
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 is useful.
Submitted by erkasiet2008 on

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task achievement
Expand on your arguments by providing more detailed explanations and examples. For instance, when discussing the benefits of technology, you could highlight specific tools or applications that enhance learning.
coherence cohesion
Improve the logical flow by using more transition words to connect ideas. This will help link your points more smoothly. For example, instead of 'Because it will distract,' you could use 'However, it can also distract students.'
coherence cohesion
Refine the conclusion to reinforce your opinion and key points more strongly. Ensure it encapsulates your main arguments without introducing new information.
task achievement
You have a clear introduction that sets up the discussion of both views.
task achievement
Your essay includes a conclusion that provides your opinion on the topic, which is essential in addressing the question.
coherence cohesion
You acknowledged both sides of the argument, showing a balanced approach.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

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