Some people claim that immigrants should adopt the local culture when immigrating to a new country. While others think that they can establish a minority community instead. Discuss both views and give your opinion

#people #immigrants #culture #country #minority #community

Adapting to local culture has been a topic of debate,

while

some individuals believe that

people

who immigrate to a new country should accept the local culture, others do not oppose

this

view, both argument sides notice notable points, which will be discussed and

then

I will present my view.

Firstly

people

who immigrate to another country, not only might face cultural shock but can

also

feel a sense of personal isolation. so, it is paramount of importance for those who immigrate to a new country to make an effort to communicate with other native citizens

This

will lead to gaining new experiences and getting familiar with local

cultures

. A prime illustration of

this

is a college student, who moved abroad to achieve a higher degree. if

this

person cannot match with the new local culture and make new friends, they will become depressed and not be successful in their lessons.

On the other hand

, some

people

would argue that immigration

people

need to establish a quite bit of community to maintain their traditional

cultures

, which will lead to various promotions.

in other words

this

community can offer significant benefits for both

people

and societies.

Therefore

this

trend not only can help migrating

people

boost their personal growth but can

also

encourage them to introduce their

cultures

to native

people

. Take the United States as an example where there are a variety of different

communities

such

as China's

neighbors

Change the spelling

neighbours

show examples

and in

this

neighborhood

Change the spelling

neighbourhood

show examples

people

who come from China are living with their traditional

cultures

, leading to great opportunities for societies to attract visitors and tourists, in order to earn money. In conclusion,

although

joining new

communities

and

cultures

has led to dramatic benefits

such

as improving personal growth and gaining new experiences, some

people

argue that immigrants should exert a lot of progress to make local

communities

Fix the infinitive

apply

show examples

maintain their

cultures

. I strongly advocate

Remove the preposition

apply

show examples

the second view that making local and small

communities

can lead to inherent benefits for both

people

and societies.

Submitted by eskandari.mahanz66 on Tue Nov 05 2024

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task achievement

To enhance task achievement, make sure to clearly differentiate between the two views more explicitly in the introduction and conclusion, emphasizing your stance clearly.

task achievement

Try to provide more specific examples or evidence for each point you make to strengthen your arguments.

coherence cohesion

In terms of coherence and cohesion, make sure each paragraph follows logically from the next, possibly by using more linking words to make connections between ideas clearer.

coherence cohesion

Your essay has a clear introduction and conclusion, providing a good structure to your writing.

task achievement

You've provided some relevant examples, such as the college student and the United States, which help to illustrate your points.

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

for example
for instance
to illustrate this
to give a clear example
such as
namely
to illustrate
take, for example

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10Linking words
meeting the goal of 7 or more
3Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
4Grammar mistakes
 

4 paragraphs

334 words

0123456789.0505

Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 6.0

Logical structure

Introduction & conclusion present

Supported main points

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 6.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 6.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 6.0

Complete response

Clear & comprehensive ideas

Relevant & specific examples

Appropriate word count

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Some people claim that immigrants should adopt the local culture when immigrating to a new country. While others think that they can establish a minority community instead. Discuss both views and give your opinion

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

International tourism has brought enormous benefit to many places. At the same time, there is concern about its impact on local inhabitants and the enviroment. Do the disadvantages of International tourism outweight the advantages?

In some countries, more and more people are becoming interested in finding out about the history of the houses or buildings they live in. What are the reasons for this? How can people research this?

Some people believe that children should be banned from using their phones during the school day. Others believe that children should be allowed to use their phones.Discuss both these views and give your own opinion.

Governments should be responsible for funding and controlling scientific research rather than private organizations. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

Many animals are facing extinction in the wild. Why is this happening? What can be done to protect them?