IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 7

Some people work for the same organization all their working life. Others thibk that it is better to work for different organizations. Discuss bothe views and give your owb opinion.

In
this
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 modern era where human beings crave safety and belonging at their workplaces, different people have their distinct mindsets.
Although
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 some believe that
one
Use synonyms
 should stay with the same institution for the rest of their life, I agree with the ones who think changing associations is more excellent. On the
one
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 hand, it is believed that remaining in the same company guarantees certainty. Long-term employees often have a better understanding of the company and
this
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 can offer a greater sense of predictability and control compared to frequent job changes.
Furthermore
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,
this
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also
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 gives opportunities for promotion within the institution.
For example
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, my grandmother worked with the Central Bank of Cameroon for 40 years prior to retirement. During that period, she started as a simple bank teller and needed as the director’s secretary.
On the other hand
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, changing companies opens doors for new experiences and growth.
This
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 exposes individuals to different work environments and technologies. They get to develop new skills and grow unlike working with the same organization for too long which can hinder your personal development.
Moreover
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, switching institutions prevent familiarity. As the saying goes familiarity breeds contempt.
This
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 reminds me of a time when I was working as a Doctor in Gambia at the Edward Francis Teaching Hospital. I had worked there for 3 years and because I was friendly with my juniors,
one
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 day I requested for a patient to be transferred to a different ward they did not do it.
Therefore
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, I agree with
this
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 perspective. In conclusion,
while
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 a certain group of people believe that an employee should remain in a similar organization for a lifetime because of stability and promotions, the other beg to differ that
one
Use synonyms
 must swap associations for new developments and
to
Fix the infinitive
apply
show examples
avoid disrespect. In my opinion, the latter is best.

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task achievement
In the second body paragraph, try to elaborate more on the benefits of changing organizations. You touched on personal development but could include more examples or elaboration on how new skills can impact career advancement.
coherence and cohesion
Try to ensure that all your points flow logically from one to the next. For example, you could introduce the idea of stability in the first paragraph and then contrast it more explicitly with the benefits of change. This would enhance coherence.
example usage
Your examples are relatable and illustrate your points well, such as your grandmother's experience and the situation you faced as a doctor.
structure
Your introduction clearly outlines the topic and states your opinion, setting a solid foundation for the essay.
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