IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 7

Some people think that men and women have different qualities

#people #men #women #qualities
In modern times, whether or not
women
 and
men
 are suited for the same kind of jobs depends on who you ask because everyone has different beliefs and
perspective
Fix the agreement mistake
perspectives
show examples
 on the same.
While
 some contend that both sexes are capable of the same things, others disagree. Both arguments will be covered in
this
 essay. On the one hand, mental aptitude and intelligence are primarily responsible for
women
 and
men
 being able to hold the same type of employment. Individual talent and gender have no correlation to one another.
For instance
, rather than the applicant's gender, most employers place more importance on the applicant's grade and certification when they are looking for a job.
In addition
, several
women
 have achieved success in their jobs as police officers, which is a dangerous job.
On the other hand
, others claim that
men
 and
women
 cannot be employed in the same field.
Due to
 physical and biological limitations,
women
 are unable to pick certain careers,
such
 as those that require demanding physical labour, like those in the military.
However
, other professions, like nursing and care, are better suited to
women
 because of their so-called caring nature.
This
 essay has examined whether or not
women
 and
men
 should have the same positions. It appears that both
men
 and
women
 are capable of pursuing the same kinds of occupations, and that personal aptitude is considerably more significant than gender identification. Maybe as the world develops,
women
 will be able to hold roles that require greater sensitivity.
Submitted by [email protected] on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Coherence and Cohesion
Your essay includes a good structure with an introduction, body paragraphs, and a conclusion. This structure is fundamental for a coherent and cohesive essay.
Coherence and Cohesion
Make sure each paragraph has a clear main idea and that your supporting sentences are directly related to this main idea. This will enhance the logical flow of your essay.
Task Achievement
Providing more detailed, real-world examples could strengthen your arguments. Specific examples help illustrate your points more vividly and make them more convincing.
Coherence and Cohesion
Your introduction and conclusion are present and appropriately structured, but try to make your thesis statement in the introduction and your final stance in the conclusion even clearer. This enhances readability and task response.
Task Achievement
Considering both perspectives of an argument, as you did, is excellent for task achievement. To further improve, ensure that your response comprehensively addresses the task by more decisively justifying why one perspective is more convincing than the other, even if you acknowledge validity in both sides.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • inherent differences
  • biological
  • psychological
  • social
  • physiological compositions
  • physical strengths
  • endurance level
  • empathetic
  • communicators
  • analytical
  • decision-oriented
  • roles and expectations
  • nurturing roles
  • leadership positions
  • skill development
  • career choices
  • general patterns
  • individual differences
  • capabilities
  • tendencies
What to do next:
Look at other essays: