Today, some young people say that their mobile phones are the most important thing they own. Do you think that the popularity of mobile phones is a good or bad thing?

In these
Change preposition
These
show examples
days the mobile
phone
are
Change the verb form
is
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very important in
Correct pronoun usage
our life
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life style
Correct your spelling
lifestyle
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as we need our mobile
phone
to
practice
Correct your spelling
practise
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our life,
for
example
Add a comma
example,
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we need to use our mobile
phone
to pay for anything we buy, or to check
near
Correct word choice
nearby
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stores or even to navigate with Google map. I would definitely agree that mobile
phone
Fix the agreement mistake
phones
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are the most important thing
now days
Correct the word
nowadays
show examples
.
Submitted by roof.al1418 on

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coherence cohesion
Consider including a clear introduction and conclusion to create a more rounded discussion. This helps the reader follow your argument better.
task achievement
Try to develop your ideas further with more specific examples and details to support your main points.
coherence cohesion
Ensure a more consistent structure throughout the essay by organizing your ideas logically, perhaps by discussing both the positive and negative aspects of mobile phones before concluding with your viewpoint.
task achievement
You provided an example of how mobile phones are used in everyday life, like paying for items and navigating with Google maps.
task achievement
Your viewpoint is clear, you agree that mobile phones are very important in today's life.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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