The shown Line graph below illustrates the condition of participation by club members to different courses.

The shown Line graph below illustrates the condition of participation by club members to different courses.
The given line graph provides information about
percentage
Add an article
the percentage
show examples
of club members’ participation
to
Change preposition
in
show examples
three types of courses.
Moreover
, the data were recorded over the 20-year period from the year 1995 to 2015.
Overall
, it is observed upward trend in two courses until 2010, namely
team
sports
and gym
activities
,
while
in swimming we
see
Wrong verb form
saw
show examples
a significant decrease until 2010, which means it was less popular among these three
activities
.
To begin
with, 50% of club members
were going
Wrong verb form
went
show examples
swimming in 1995 and
this
figure
was dwindling
Wrong verb form
dwindled
show examples
to 15% until 2010 and stayed the same
during
Change preposition
for
show examples
5 years,
while
we notice
the
Correct article usage
an
show examples
identical trend in
team
sports
from 2010 to 2015. Looking at
in
Correct pronoun usage
it in
show examples
details
Fix the agreement mistake
detail
show examples
,
team
sports
and gym
activities
showed
increasing
Add an article
an increasing
show examples
trend, which meant people had more interest in these areas. After 2010,
in
Change preposition
apply
show examples
team
sports
participation declined to 32% from 40% until 2015.
In contrast
, in gym
activities
Add a comma
activities,
show examples
the figure stopped at 27% in the
last
5 years.
Submitted by i.nureddinn on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Linking words: Don't use the same linking words: "while".
Vocabulary: Replace the words team, sports, activities with synonyms.
Vocabulary: The word "figure" was used 2 times.
Vocabulary: The word "figure" was used 2 times.
Vocabulary: The word "trend" was used 3 times.

Ultimate Speaking practice for IELTS

Practice speaking step by step, answer real-life questions, and build your confidence. Start your free trial and improve your speaking skills today!
Topic Vocabulary:
  • illustrates
  • condition
  • participation
  • club members
  • courses
  • line graph
  • levels
  • fluctuated
  • overall
  • number of participants
  • observed
  • dance course
  • initial
  • increase
  • end of the period
  • lowest
  • art course
  • declining
  • gradually
  • music course
  • witnessed
  • relatively stable
  • hovering
  • conclusion
  • demonstrates
What to do next:
Look at other essays:

Essentional vocabulary list for IELTS Writing 7+

Learn how to write high-scoring essays with powerful words.
Download Free PDF and start improving you writing skills today!