IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5.5

Some people believe that parks should be free to enter. Do you agree or disagree?

#people #parks
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It is often assumed by some
people
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 that park authorities should not
charge
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 entrance fees.
Although
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 some
people
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 might agree with the statement, I completely disagree. Not only because
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money
Add an article
the money
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 generated by these
facilities
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 could be used for
maintenance
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 and
staff
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 salaries but
also
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 because
this
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 revenue could be used for improving
facilities
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 in
parks
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. Revenue generated by
parks
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 could be used for multiple purposes. First and
the
Correct article usage
apply
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foremost, the funds generated by these
facilities
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 could pay for
maintenance
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. Globally, many
parks
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 require huge sums of
money
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 to keep the greenery and streets clean and alluring.
For instance
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, in 2020, about 1 million dollars were spent on
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maintenance
Correct article usage
the maintenance
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 and renovation of Grand Central Park in New York.
This
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 reflects why
parks
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 should have all the
rights
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right
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 to
charge
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money
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.
Apart from
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this
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, in
this
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 way, these
facilities
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 can
also
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 utilize that
money
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 to pay for
staff
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 salaries. It is a ubiquitously known fact that major and known
parks
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 in big cities have several employees. To provide
the
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apply
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employees with suitable employment, many nations are focusing on passing laws. In 1998, legislators passed a bill in Northern Sweden for eleven states requiring local councils to pay for
staff
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 expenses in public places through
in house
Add a hyphen
in-house
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 funding and entrance fees.
Thus
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,
parks
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 and gardens should indeed
charge
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money
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.
Finally
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, in order to attract more
people
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, funds generated from these
facilities
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 can be utilized to provide extra
facilities
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,
such
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 as gyms, tennis courts, cafeterias, etc.
This
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 would undoubtedly help
people
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 have good infrastructure to have morning walks, do exercises, and enjoy their leisure time
on
Change preposition
in
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such
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 places.
To sum up
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, I do believe that public
parks
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 should have all the
rights
Fix the agreement mistake
right
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 to
charge
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 entrance fees. Not only to pay for
maintenance
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 and
staff
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 salaries but
also
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 for new
facilities
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 over there.
Submitted by hayatauqeer on

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task achievement
Ensure all examples are strongly linked to your main points. Some examples, like the Sweden legislation one, could be linked more clearly to revenue usage.
coherence cohesion
Try to make smoother transitions between paragraphs to enhance the flow of ideas. This will further improve the logical structure.
task achievement
Your essay presents a clear position in response to the topic.
coherence cohesion
You’ve included an introduction and a strong conclusion, tying your points together neatly.
task achievement
The ideas in your paragraphs are well-detailed and developed.
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