The plans below show a public park when it first opened in 1920 and the same park today.

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The maps illustrate a public

park

when it first opened in 1920 and the same

park

as it is today.

Overall

, the place has seen some major changes which made it more attractive to be visited. If we look at the details, there used to be a small fountain right in the

center

Change the spelling

centre

show examples

of the

park

which has been replaced with a big rose garden. They have

also

added four seating places

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each direction of the central rose garden for people to

seat

Correct your spelling

sit

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and enjoy the spectacular view. Another striking change is

destruction

Add an article

the destruction

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of the stage for musicians and

building

Correct article usage

the building

show examples

Change preposition

of a

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great Amphitheatre for holding concerts.

This

would be a good facility for local music fans in the vicinity. They have

also

ruined the pond for water plants

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the north-east to construct a children’s play area

Remove the comma

apply

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so that parents can leave their sweet child there

while

joining the concert. Another amazing change is taking the glasshouse down and

replace

Wrong verb form

replacing

show examples

it with a huge water feature which is located

Change preposition

show examples

the south-east near the entrance of the new underground car

park

Submitted by bahram.azizzade on Wed Nov 06 2024

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coherence and cohesion

To improve coherence, consider adding a conclusion to summarize the changes comprehensively and reflect on their overall impact.

task achievement

Provide a clearer introduction of the purpose of comparing the two maps for a more complete response.

task achievement

The essay clearly identifies the major changes in the park over time, providing a variety of examples such as the rose garden, amphitheatre, and children's play area.

coherence and cohesion

The transitions between the descriptions of changes are smooth, making it easy to follow the progression of ideas.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

Summary
Restatement of thesis
Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

In conclusion
To conclude
To summarize
Finally
In a nutshell
In general

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

4
Linking words
meeting the goal of 7 or more
1
Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
10
Grammar mistakes
detected issues

<4

Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 6.0

Logical structure

Introduction & conclusion present

Supported main points

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 4.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 4.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 6.0

Complete response

Clear & comprehensive ideas

Relevant & specific examples

Appropriate word count

1 paragraphs

182 words

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Topic Vocabulary:

recreational facilities
landscaping
naturalistic
amenities
formal gardens
ergonomic
symmetric designs
inclusive
accessible
accommodations
native plant species
societal changes
visitor services
community events
evolution
modern playgrounds
wildflower meadows

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The plans below show a public park when it first opened in 1920 and the same park today.

Include an introduction and conclusion

As countries develop, more and more people buy and use their own cars. Do you think the advantages of this trend for individuals outweigh the disadvantages for the environment?

Some people say that success is "10 percent talent and 90 percent hard work". Is hard work the key to success, or is talent also important

Nowadays youngsters are less polite and less respectful than in the past. What do you think are the reasons for this? What can be done to solve this issue?