IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 3

The plans below show a public park when it first opened in 1920 and the same park today.

#plans #show #park #first
The maps illustrate a public
park
 when it first opened in 1920 and the same
park
 as it is today.
Overall
, the place has seen some major changes which made it more attractive to be visited. If we look at the details, there used to be a small fountain right in the
center
Change the spelling
centre
show examples
 of the
park
 which has been replaced with a big rose garden. They have
also
 added four seating places
at
Change preposition
in
show examples
 each direction of the central rose garden for people to
seat
Correct your spelling
sit
show examples
 and enjoy the spectacular view. Another striking change is
destruction
Add an article
the destruction
show examples
 of the stage for musicians and
building
Correct article usage
the building
show examples
a
Change preposition
of a
show examples
great Amphitheatre for holding concerts.
This
 would be a good facility for local music fans in the vicinity. They have
also
 ruined the pond for water plants
on
Change preposition
in
show examples
 the north-east to construct a children’s play area
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
 so that parents can leave their sweet child there
while
 joining the concert. Another amazing change is taking the glasshouse down and
replace
Wrong verb form
replacing
show examples
 it with a huge water feature which is located
on
Change preposition
in
show examples
 the south-east near the entrance of the new underground car
park
.
Submitted by bahram.azizzade on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

coherence and cohesion
To improve coherence, consider adding a conclusion to summarize the changes comprehensively and reflect on their overall impact.
task achievement
Provide a clearer introduction of the purpose of comparing the two maps for a more complete response.
task achievement
The essay clearly identifies the major changes in the park over time, providing a variety of examples such as the rose garden, amphitheatre, and children's play area.
coherence and cohesion
The transitions between the descriptions of changes are smooth, making it easy to follow the progression of ideas.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • recreational facilities
  • landscaping
  • naturalistic
  • amenities
  • formal gardens
  • ergonomic
  • symmetric designs
  • inclusive
  • accessible
  • accommodations
  • native plant species
  • societal changes
  • visitor services
  • community events
  • evolution
  • modern playgrounds
  • wildflower meadows
What to do next:
Look at other essays: